Social Anxiety to Social Confidence

I promise not to make this a blog about the Britain’s Got Talent TV show, I am not even a great fan of TV, but both contestant Susan Boyle, and now Jamie Pugh, represent different sides of social anxiety that warrant some discussion.

Last Saturday, 37 year old Jamie Pugh, described as possibly ‘the most nervous contestant we’ve ever had’, sang ‘Bring Him Home’ from Les Miserables, and he sang it very well! He sufferers from severe stage fight (a common form of social anxiety) and wanted to go on the show to confront his fears. He gave the distinct impression that overcoming his fear of stage fright was much more important to him than winning the contest, although I am sure he would like to win too! I am sure anyone struggling with severe social anxiety knows only too well that overcoming it would be a bigger prize than singing in front of the queen. You can see Jamie’s performance by clicking on his picture below.

Some of you might be wondering that, if he has social anxiety, then how could he do something so bold? The answer to that really is, we do not know, only Jamie knows, but there are some distinct possibilities. Firstly, while some people with social anxiety find almost all social situations painful, for others only specific situations will fill them with fear and dread. They do not necessarily feel less anxiety though, it is just that they do not feel so vulnerable in other social situations. Secondly, while some people are mostly avoidant and hardly ever enter the situations they find most anxiety provoking, others will be determined to not let social anxiety hold them back and will endure experience after experience of painful anxiety to carry on with life. It sounds likely though that Jamie has been avoidant up until this point and now his desires to fulfil his dreams, and possibly a little encouragement from family and friends, has driven him to face his worst fears.

Like many people with social anxiety, Jamie’s worst fear is that his performance will leave him in a vulnerable position. He states that he fears he will just freeze and not be able to perform, but the fear will go deeper than this. Most likely he not only fears that freezing will mean he could miss his opportunity, but more so that he will be judged negatively and ridiculed for appearing vulnerable, which is actually quite possible given the judges comments to other contestants. But respect where respect is due and despite Jamie’s nervousness on stage, his talents are recognised by both the audience and judges. In fact, it is quite likely that his vulnerability will inspire compassion and the public will not only vote for his talent, but also because they want to see his life change for the better. It will be up to Jamie now to put in the work to boost his confidence as I suspect it will take more than one performance to shift his lack of self-belief, but I hoped to be proved wrong.

He will have to work hard on giving himself encouragement, having faith in his abilities, having faith in the public to be kind and trusting himself to cope with whatever is to come. It will most likely be a fear that he cannot cope with rejection that is the even deeper root fear that lies behind his fear of being judged negatively. Social anxiety is not so much a lack of trust in other people, but more a lack of trust in ourselves to deal with the situations that go wrong for us. When he can learn to take actions that reflect the mindset of self-belief his confidence will grow and his fears will fade. As with so many people struggling with social anxiety, Jamie obviously is very harsh on himself at the moment and this is reflected in his inability to accept and enjoy praise. You can see the disbelief on his face as he tries to process the extended applause the audience and judges give. It is such contrast to what goes on inside his head and how he views himself that it is almost hard for him to bare. He cries as for this this brief moment he feels loved enough to let his guard down and be vulnerable, I just hope for his sake that he can learn to leave it down and place trust in not only himself, but also other people. Best of luck to you Jamie.