Social Anxiety to Social Confidence

There are various relaxation and breathing techniques that are taught to people with social anxiety and other anxiety conditions. These include things like progressive muscle relaxation, changing breathing patterns and recycling exhaled air. Such techniques are great and not so great all at the same time. They are great because they really can help relax someone and help them deal with an episode of anxiety and if you are an anxiety sufferer they are well worth learning to add to your range of tools to help yourself. On the other hand though, these techniques are not so great because they do not really tackle the cause of unwanted anxiety.

Relaxation and breathing techniques are what I class as anxiety management tools. They are things you can use to help once the anxiety has already happened, but they are not so useful in preventing you from getting anxious in the first place. It is true that such techniques can be helpful in breaking cycles of anxiety, but in my experience the effect they have on anxious cycles is weak compared to making appropriate changes to one’s thinking and behaviour. They also don’t work towards the prevention of those cycles being re-established. For these reasons you shouldn’t bank on breathing techniques as a solution for your anxiety long-term, but while you’re working on other things they are a useful addition that can help you relax when you’re anxious.

Progressive Muscle Relaxation
There will be lots of varying examples of this technique on the web if you search for it, but detailed below is how I like to do it. I find it particularly useful if I need to get to sleep in good time after a busy day as it’s a quick and healthy way to unwind. I’d definitely recommend it to people who have trouble sleeping and the more you do it the better it works usually. Obviously by the nature of the technique, it’s not going to be one you can use in social situations, but you might like to try thinking of a unique image or word while you’re in the relaxed state after using it so you associate the state with that image or word. It’s best to use something you wouldn’t normally think of and something pleasantly relaxing. Recalling the image or word in anxious situations can then help you go some way towards going into this relaxed state. This is just a way of using the natural way one’s mind builds associations when things occur together. Here’s what to do…

1. Sit in a comfy chair on lie on the bed in a position you feel most comfortable in with your eyes shut. I personally like to lie on my back with my legs straight and my arms by my side.
2. Take a fairly deep breath in, but not so it’s hard to hold it in, and hold it for 5 seconds. This alone can start you feeling relaxed. You may like to experiment a little with how long you hold it for, 5 seconds should be fine though.
3. Now let the breath out slowly and as you do so relax all the muscles in your face and focus on feeling them going heavy and that part of your body sinking into the chair or bed.
4. Now do steps 2 and 3 again with your neck, shoulders, upper arms, lower arms, hands, chest, back stomach and all other muscle groups in your body gradually working your way down to your feet.
5. At the end you can either repeat the process, or I like to do a few breaths while focusing on my whole body relaxing and sinking into the bed. Tension areas like the eyes, jaw, neck, shoulders and hands are good places to focus on and repeat if you are particularly tense.
6. If you have trouble relaxing any muscle group then try tensing it for a few seconds before trying to relax it.

This is not something to be rushed, in fact, purposefully do it very slowly and take your time. It will get easier the more you do it and you’ll be able to let go easier and relax more. Sometimes, if you get very relaxed you can go into a dream like state and see mental imagery, sometimes with a lot of clarity. It’s good to just let these images come and go without trying to think about them or control them, but don’t get frustrated if you find this difficult. Trying to be perfectionistic about relaxation does not really work so let what is just be what it is This technique is quite similar to meditation really, but some of you may like that it has a more practical focus. Enjoy!