Shaking and Tension
As with blushing and sweating anxiety symptoms, shaking and jerky movements are caused by the increased sympathetic nervous system activity that occurs when we get anxious. During this process adrenaline is released that causes our muscles to become ready for physical activity. A side effect of this readiness is trembling or shaking. In addition to shaking, sufferers may also experience muscle tension. This tension can cause us to have uncoordinated clumsy movements that do not flow as naturally as they normally would. During very strong anxiety individuals may also experience involuntary jerks or spasms due to this muscle tension.
Shaking
The shaking some people experience during anxiety is usually most noticeable in the hands. Since social anxiety sufferers are often very self-conscious about others noticing their anxiety this can be a problem. Wobbling teacups, peas jumping off forks and shaking speech notes all make anxious shaking more visible and this can lead to sufferers avoiding these things when around other people. Shaking legs and quivering lips are also common visible symptoms.
The main worry of sufferers is that people will see their visible anxiety symptoms and then make a unfavourable judgement about them. The feared judgements will typically be that the sufferer is weird because of their odd movements or that they are weak because they are feeling anxious.
People will often do their best to try and hide their anxious shaking, but this tends to only worsen the situation. Anxiety sufferers are nearly always caught in vicious cycles where the ways they try to manage their anxiety only serves to worsen it. Fears about starting to shake in front of people leads to increased worry about the onset of shaking. This worry then increases anxiety levels during social situations which in turn leads to the actual shaking they are trying to avoid. Self-consciousness is increased because of this visible shaking which leads to more worry and more anxiety and more shaking creating a distressing vicious cycle.
In addition to this, sufferers will try to hide or control their anxious shaking, but this only adds fuel to the fire. A common strategy is to tense up to try and keep movements still, but this increased muscle tension only exaggerates the shaking. Another strategy is to try and hide shaking through avoidance or keeping hands out of sight, but this too will worsen the situation. Avoidance strategies like these reinforce the idea that we need to hide these symptoms and that revealing them could have negative consequences for us. They prevent us from finding out that, most of the time, revealing our anxiety will nearly always have no negative consequences for us and that doing so will prevent the anxiety from occurring in the first place.
Tension
Jerky uncoordinated movements resulting from anxious tension can cause social anxiety sufferers to find it difficult to move naturally. It can be harder for them to coordinate their movements and this can, in part, lead to them feeling self-conscious about the way they move. This increased self focus can then further interfere with coordination because it reduces their awareness of the space around them. For example, a suffer may be feeling self-conscious about how they are acting and then end up knocking over their drink. They become so distracted by their anxious thoughts that they are less aware of the objects around them and accidents are more likely to happen. An accident such as spilling a drink can feel very embarrassing for a social anxiety sufferer and this can mean more even anxiety and distress which can further interfere with they ability to function well in social situations.
As with shaking, often the very things we do to try and improve unnatural anxious movements tend to only serve to worsen them. Over the years I have heard many social anxiety sufferers report feeling self-conscious about the way they walk. They worry that other people think they are walking an odd way and have trouble moving naturally when other people are watching them.
This was also my experience, especially when walking in the streets around the general public. I used to worry that people would be making fun of the way I walked and would possibly laugh at me or think that I was odd. My strategy to deal with this at the time was a logical but unhelpful one. I used to make a conscious effort to walk more naturally. The problem was that natural movements come from unconscious behaviour, rather than conscious behaviour, and therefore rather than improving my walk, I only made my tense anxious movements even more uncoordinated and unnatural.
With all anxiety symptoms, including blushing, sweating, shaking and tension, they all disappear once the vicious cycles that keep them going are adequately broken and new ways to feel confident are learnt. In the product I am producing I will explain these vicious cycles in more detail and clearly show how to overcome them and gain that all important confidence.
Please note that shaking, muscle spasms and other physical symptoms mentioned in this article can be due to other medical conditions. If you are uncertain if your shaking relates to emotional states then you should seek the advice of a qualified medical practitioner.
How do anxiety symptoms such as shaking interfere with your life?
Tags: Jerkiness, Jerky Movements, Muscle Tension, Nervous Shaking, Quivering, Self-Consciousness, Shaking, Spasms, Tense, Trembling, Uncoordinated, Walking
February 15th, 2009 at 4:07 am
i work part-time in an indian restaurent. when i serve drinks i get the feeling i will drop it and my hands start to shake. but the problem i have is social anxiety because i start sweating and blushing when making conversations with people and almost avoid situations like these. iim always concios about what people think of me. i thought i was paronoid at first but then only came to realise i was suffering from social anxiety. this is affecting my life in many ways. i am at university at the moment. i know i can get somewhere in life but not if i carry this illness. when i have to answer the phone in front of anyone my hands start to shake because i think everyone is looking at me and then i start blushing and feeling hot. how do i overcome this problem. i have a low self-esteem around girls aswel. i want to be who i realy want to be inside my heart but why does it seem impossible. i would love to hear from you. thank you.
March 1st, 2009 at 8:16 pm
Thank you for your comment. In answer to your question, ‘why does it seem impossible?’, the way social anxiety works makes things seem impossible, but this is actually a kind of illusion. You are likely very capable of doing all the things you want to do and achieve in life, but as part of our social anxiety we feel that things will likely turn out badly and that to try carries too much risk. That increased sense of risk makes us feel anxious which influences our tendency to avoid the things we would actually really like to do. People with social anxiety commonly report that when they did the things they were very anxious about, they really weren’t as bad as they thought they were. But this realisation doesn’t last long as they soon start to pick apart their experience and identify where they may have made mistakes. This then creates a new illusion that they performed badly in that situation and gave people something to be critical about. This creates a new sense of risk which increases anxiety and motivates them away from engaging in that experience again. Facing fears and fulfilling dreams seems impossible with social anxiety, but people are usually very capable of doing just that, it’s just that the increased sense of risk holds them back and stops them finding out the truth. So one way of getting through social anxiety is to smash those illusions and find out the truth – to face situations despite how you feel. This will need to involve stopping using safety behaviours which I’d recommend learning about. There’s lots of information on the internet and in the more recent Cognitive Therapy books for social anxiety about this. Some of the ones released in the 90′s are definitely lacking. I would also highly recommend looking at how you communicate with yourself and how you treat yourself when you perceive you make mistakes (and more generally). People with social anxiety are always very self-critical and this is a large part of the problem. Changes made here can have a significant impact and will help lower that increased sense of risk. I am still planning on releasing an audio product to explain all this in much more detail and with a fuller explanation of how social anxiety works and how to make progress, so watch this space!
Best wishes,
Nick
April 10th, 2009 at 10:46 pm
This is the first piece of information I have found which explains the difficulties my 15 year old daughter has been having for the past 2 years. She has been put on adult strength antidepressants and gone through the councelling process which helped for a short time, but unfortunately the up and coming end of school exams appear to have triggered almost daily attacks. Thank you for a very good and clear explanation, we will use it to help us get the treatment she needs. Also appreciate the positive message that this can be overcome. We certainly hope so.
April 27th, 2009 at 11:29 am
I have a stammer and also suffer from Social Anxiety attacks. Going out with mates and mingling with women can be very stress full, perfect example would be – being eyed up by women, then not having the balls to go up and say hello, instead start shaking and sweating like crazy!!!!, and let the opportunity past (it happens most of the times). I’ve had the stammer my whole life and have discovered my SA problem only in the last 5 years or so (work life). Like Juved posted I have problems making and answering calls in front of people, if I can I always make them from the comfort of my room. But at work it’s a different story. Its bad enough sweating and trembling around most people you come in contact with but to make a phone call with a stammer is ‘System Overload’ for a human being!. Everyday is a complete struggle, even the simplest things of ordering food, asking for cash back at the tills, making your self an appointment or just trying to make general conversation is a complete nightmare at times, I feel like I’m one of the real unlucky ones, because on the outside I look like your average Joe. But people don’t realise that inside I’m burning away with these problems of mine.
I do have a book about Cognitive behaviour and I have picked up tips from it. I’m also seeing a Speech Therapist and I’m learning new things to control my speech. But at the end of the day it’s up to me to take control of my life……
April 27th, 2009 at 12:39 pm
Hi Steve,
You are absolutely right when you said it’s up to use to take control of our lives. Life is sometimes unfair and it is not our fault that we’ve become socially anxious, but now it is up to us to make the steps to have our life the way we want it.
I used to hate using the phone also. I used to jump every time I heard my phone ring and often wouldn’t answer it. I had a technical support job for a couple of years that involved making quite a few calls and every day it was a struggle to make the first one. It got easier as the day progressed, but every day I would be starting again.
It’s really good to hear you are seeing a speech therapist. I hope they are helping you take control of your stammering and it is improving. I hope you can learn to feel more confident about your-self too, regardless of whether you stammer or not.
Best wishes,
Nick
July 16th, 2009 at 7:27 am
I get the shaking thing, which is worse now that i’ve started working in a cafe and am taking coffees to people all day, which shake in their saucers! It’s horrible.. what’s worse is that it does not get lesser as the day goes by, so I know what i have to deal with every time I go out there.
I’m determined to just ignore it, and ignore the embarrassment/awkwardness but what is really frustrating is that I do not feel too shy to do these things.. the shaking just starts up and I can’t control it. I think it’s the heightened atmosphere or something.
I don’t understand it and I just hope it will go away after a while.
One thing i’ve found that helps is to get some exercise, go for a run or a long walk before I go to work, it puts me on a high and the anxiety is not as bad. I definitely recommend trying this to other sufferer’s.. Having suffered from depression also, exercise can really, really lift your mood and increase your confidence.
Just thought i’d ad this: I was serving a customer last week, and when I went to take her money her hand was shaking quite badly.. I was just thinking to myself, ‘Don’t worry, if you only knew i have the same problem’. haha.
July 16th, 2009 at 7:32 am
By the way Nick,
do you think I am right in trying to deal with this myself? I’d rather not go on medication as i’m sure there are other ways to conquer this but on the other hand I don’t want to live my entire life like this.
Thanks.
July 16th, 2009 at 4:43 pm
Hi Sam,
That’s a difficult question to answer, as there are a lot of variables to take into account. If you go to your doctor about your shaking and anxiety (assuming you’ve not done so already), you can then explore what options there are for you in your area and they will be able to rule out any other medical causes for what you are experiencing. One option will likely be medication, but it remains your choice if you want to go down that route or not. Personally, I think medications for social anxiety are very over-prescribed and there are much better and more logically sound ways of overcoming the problem. But, for some people medications are appropriate, especially if there is a risk of self-harm or if someone is so anxious it seems impossible for them to engage in other help.
It still has limited availability, but your doctor might be able to offer you some Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), which is quite a practical purely psychological approach. If it is available, there might be a waiting list, but it’s free (assuming you’re in the UK), almost certainly won’t do any harm and even if it helps just a little bit, it’ll be worth it. Hopefully it’ll help a lot. It’s worth asking. You can also start learning about it yourself from self-help books such as ’10 Simple Solutions to Shyness [and social anxiety]‘ by Martin M. Antony.
Keep up the exercise, definitely a good thing to do, and certainly good for depression too. It’s not a solution in itself for the anxiety, but as you know, it definitely helps, as does eating regular balanced meals (especially breakfast). If you do decide to tackle this challenge without professional help, I’d at the very least recommend reading the books available on the subject to learn more about what you are experiencing and what might help. It will give you new perspectives and open new avenues to making progress. Unfortunately, for most people, anxiety problems don’t resolve themselves and it is often the ways that people try to cope with them that keeps them going, so it is important to have some kind of extra input other than what we already know.
I hope this helps and goes some way towards answering your question.
Best wishes,
Nick
August 1st, 2009 at 5:32 pm
Thanks alot Nick,
I’m taking all that all into consideration.
I’ve been working for a few weeks now and it was all going pretty smoothly until yesterday.
I thought I had it under control until yesterday when I had a little episode, I just about dropped and smashed the 2 coffee’s I was carrying.. I started shaking uncontrolably and it was obvious to the people I was serving. The thing is I have NO idea why. I think I am confident?
The frustrating thing is that I can’t tell anyone.. I wish I could spill my guts out. However, I put them down on a table and picked myself up. I really felt like I was out of control though, so I think I will see a DR about it. I really felt like I was out of control… it’s the worst feeling. It’s pretty bloody embarrassing and I’m pretty sure I almost had a full blown attack. It’s horrible, I don’t know what to do.. i have always self medicated with alcohol.. and everyone around me enables me.. extremely close family included.
I feel like i am weak, & if i give in and do something about it, but for gods sake, i think i have had enough.
It sucks
I don’t know what to do.
I just soldier on.
And it is my identity now.
I’m sorry if this is a bit much, but i just want some help.
I’ve been to doctors, i dunno. I would appreciate any help you have to offer!
-S.
August 4th, 2009 at 4:43 pm
I have social anxiety too. I have been dealing with it for years. I got the doctor to help me and stuff but in the end it’s still yourself and the way you perceive this world that is really going to help. I have some methods that works for myself, hopefully it can help some of you out there. These are tried and true but I haven’t found a perfect solution yet. =D
The way I deal with it is:
1. Think before you speak, even if you are nervous. Speak slowly if you must. If you notice how those important ppl speak, they usually speak slowly, so that they have the time to think and compose their sentence. People are usually forgiving and hey they appreciate you more because you take the time to think thru their comments before you speak. You slowly gain confident also. They may also think like woah, you are quite intelligent.
2. Look at people in their eyes if you must speak to them. Even if you think you may offend them with your “deadly stare” or they may see that you are nervous. It’s okay I guess…
3. Smile and laugh only when you really feel like it’s funny. Be sincere to yourself, people appreciate sincere people more.
4. Don’t be afraid to offend people with your unique personalities. You truly live a life if their is a group of people who loves you and another group of people who hates you. Love or hate, it’s like fire. And it’s only fun if there is both of them present. Definitely something is wrong if your life is in monotone, and nobody likes or hates you.
5. Learn to trust. You expose a vulnerability when you trust. But to trust is to get people to trust you also and hence relationship will be enhanced.
6. Have a healthy pool of friends from opposite genders. You are definitely “unhealthy” if you find yourself “allergic” to people of the opposite gender. Remember the days when we are younger? It’s OKAY to talk to people from the opposite gender or have fun with them. Most of the time you don’t have to feel too guilty.
7. embrace and good luck. =D
August 4th, 2009 at 4:50 pm
And of course, if you have any mental illness, Stay away from stimulating substances.
And did I mentioned I successfully recovered from obsessive compulsive disorder? =D
August 5th, 2009 at 11:51 pm
Hi Sam,
It sounds very much like you’re getting caught up in what I call a fear of fear cycle where you fear the onset of an anxiety symptom (such as shaking) in one or more social situation. Then because you are worried about it happening and what people will think you get anxious and then that actually makes it happen reinforcing your fears. It’s quite a common thing for people to get caught in and often also happens with sweating, fainting, blushing and other anxiety related symptoms.
The experience of strong anxiety is very unpleasant and a recognised symptom of it is feeling out of control, but be reassured that although it feels really bad, you’ll be ok and no harm will come to you. Often people get scared they are going mad or have something really bad wrong with them, but it is just strong anxiety and opposed to anything worse. Do see the doctor about it though, if nothing else, just to put your mind at rest.
Often people with social anxiety turn to alcohol to cope, but it is not a recommended path to go down. Every time you self-medicate with alcohol and depend on it for confidence or relieving anxiety it help you feel better in the short term, but chips away at your confidence in the long-term making the problem worse. There are also the more obvious risks associated with alcohol dependence.
Although it’s counter-intuitive the best strategy is to face your fears by letting yourself shake and even welcoming it to get worse. The more you try and control it in fear of people seeing it the more anxious you will get and the more you will shake resulting in full anxiety attacks. The more you accept it and even wish yourself to shake more in front of people the less scared you’re being of it and the less anxious you’ll be and the less you’ll shake. People get stuck in the cycle because the solution goes against their natural instincts.
This is a bit of a brief answer, but I hope it helps.
Kindest regards,
Nick
Passer by – Thanks for your message, some good points, particularly 3, 4, & 5.
August 17th, 2009 at 9:23 pm
I suffer from social anxiety and it mostly just resulted in being overly nervous and having an inability to focus on what other people were saying. I was too caught up in myself. However, now I have a bigger problem. It has evolved into head shaking under certain circumstances. If I am in the middle of a room, a place with bright lights, or if someone makes eye contact with me, my head shaking will trigger. I won’t always be thinking about this and it still will trigger under these circumstances. I cannot eat or drink under these conditions as well without my hands shaking.
I have been to a cognitive therapist and I understand how to break down my broader thoughts into smaller ones and subsequently realizing their irrationality. This does not stop them from occurring. I just went to the grocery store the other day to pick up some soda, not thinking anything in particular until two women passed by me and looked in my direction. My rush of nervousness and subsequent head shaking occurred and I just walked in a different direction. The worst was going to the checkout counter where there was a female cashier, female bagger, and an attractive girl who came in line behind me. I could not look at the cashier or answer any question without this shaking and felt powerless.
Whether I am feeling attractive or not that day seems to have no relevance. Any kind of visual interaction with a stranger triggers this head shake and then I will have to look away and recompose. Unfortunately, then when I re-engage with the person, it comes back again, making it impossible to communicate. I become so focused on avoiding this shake that I cannot listen to what the person is saying and try to be as concise and quick as possible in conversation just so it will end. This gives the impression that I am some sort of inconsiderate jerk, but I am just trying to avoid the alternative scenario which would be to run like hell out of the situation.
I have been self-conscious throughout most of my life in regard to appearance and often would dwell on things I said or wrote about to another person for a painfully long time. I have also suffered from emotional abuse and neglect as a child. I have come to terms with the past and have worked through most of the specific thoughts but I need to know how to avoid these triggers from igniting an undesired reaction. I know that someone making eye contact with me is not some attempt to judge me or anything malicious, yet I can’t stop the feelings and reactions that take over. It is hard to just not think about it when it seems to occur automatically. Is it the end of the world that I shake in front of someone? No. However, I want it to stop when it initiates and I can’t seem to. So, I lose focus until I can leave the situation. I don’t want to be this way and it keeps getting worse now. I turn to alcohol to help me through social situations since it helps quell my fears but I also try to confront situations without it and I just can’t seem to do so successfully.
This is most hurtful in regard to interviews since I am in need of a job. Cognitive therapy isn’t getting it done. I was just prescribed Inderal and have been on Wellbutrin to help with mood and lethargy. I have not started the beta-blocker (Inderal) yet and wish I didn’t feel like I needed to. Thanks for any input, whether it be days, weeks, or months from now!
Kevin
August 24th, 2009 at 11:17 pm
Hi Kevin,
It sounds like you’re experiencing something very similar to Sam above and much of what I said in my reply to them would also apply to you. I would just add that these issues are very much about learning to be ok with ourselves and our anxious symptoms. The fear of the onset of shaking causes the anxiety that causes the shaking. So if we demonstrate to ourselves that we are ok with our shaking by not trying to hide it or not exiting situations when it happens then it will initially get worse, but then subside because we find out that our worst fears won’t come true and because we are no longer scared, we no longer shake. Start out small with some manageable but slightly anxiety provoking situations.
There is more work with focus and attention that people can do to make facing fears less scary, but I don’t have time to detail it here, although it will be available in my audio product when it’s released.
Best wishes,
Nick
August 31st, 2009 at 8:47 am
Hello to all of you.
I have a similar problem that i am really struggling with.iwould almost trade it for shaking.
It is exactly what you said: the fear of the onset of an anxiety symptom. I have been a shy persony whole life, but now im breaking down. My symptom is facial tension, headache from tension, and eye watering. When i get the facial tension, i look very awkward and out of it. I am mainly struggling with this at high school, and i just cant stop thinking about it. Every morning before school, i get this gut feeling that my face will be that way and the day will be extremely stressful. I cant shake the anticipation that it may happen. This is very hard for me because my “friends” notice it and almost tear up looking at me. I know how theyfeel because i feel the same way: i believe i am a fairly attractive, nice guy full of oppurtunities without this problem. With it, i cant concentrate at school,cant relax, cant have a normal conversation, and cant make eye contact without getting this weird tension iny eyes.
I know its all in my head,but how can i get it out? Ijustwant to enjoy life
Ive tried relaxation techniques and have looked at alot of stuff on the web. Ive been to two sychologists who were no help. One of themjust tAlked to me about himselff and told me to exercise. The other one thought i had no problems and almost laughed when i was telling him about it.
Igo throughmany different emotions when this is plagueing me:
-Im confident and dont give a shit if i have a frown on my face or not. I still have the tension, but i cantalk to ppl.(this hasnt happened at school yet, but is usually how i am in public places)
-i am happy and subconsciesly forget about my problem. (on weekends until sunday night)
-i feel very uncomfortable and feel like escaping to a hidden place. Its kindof like excessive sweating, exceptmy face is distorted and i am freaking out about ppl looking atme. I cant concentrate on anything.(this is how i am at school)
I also may getreally depressed randomly,or get thefeeling im possesed (only rarely)
I also sometimes feel very oddly blank inthe face and emotionally. I cannot smile normally and i dont feel happy or sad. I just feel blank.
I hope that wasnt to weird to read. I really would appreciate some advice!
Btw, most of the time at home i am a funny, energetic, nice person ( ithink)
September 1st, 2009 at 9:13 pm
Hi Matt,
What you wrote definitely wasn’t weird to read, just human. Like sweating, shaking and blushing, facial tension is another one of those anxiety related symptoms that people can feel very self-conscious about. You are certainly not alone in struggling with this particular symptom. The vicious cycle often works in the same way as it does for shaking as discussed above.
With you what you say about your eyes watering. I’m assuming you mean you feel tearful and your eyes well up, rather than your eyes watering for other reasons. This is also something people with anxiety and depression can experience and is nothing abnormal.
Depression and anxiety often go together and it seems like you are experiencing both. Feelings of depression often have certain triggers, such as situations where you feel powerless or situations that resemble in some way situations where you’ve felt powerless in the past. We are sometimes not aware of what our triggers are and so it can seem like depression (or anxiety) comes out of nowhere, but there are always triggers and thoughts that follow those triggers that bring on these emotional states. The triggers don’t even have to be about what you experience in the outside world, they can be to do with internal thoughts or sensations. You might find it helpful to identify what situations you are in, or what happens (in thought or real life) just before you feel depressed. This isn’t so you can avoid those triggers, but instead gain some understanding and therefore hope of gaining some control over these emotions, which can help lift the depression a bit.
I can’t be certain what it is you’re experiencing when you say you feel possessed, but sometimes depression can feel like that. We can feel very out of control and our thinking can go very dark and negative. This may lead us to react to people or situations in a negative way which we later realise wasn’t justified. Typically this can then lead to a cycle of guilt, shame and further depression. Please do speak to someone about this.
People who feel very depressed often express feeling empty and numb emotionally, like they aren’t feeling anything. It can seem like everything is pointless and nothing brings joy. People may also have thoughts of wanting to harm themselves or end their life to end the pain that they feel will never go away. I hope this last bit is not what you’re experiencing but I wanted to bring it up in case you are experiencing it but feel unable to express it.
Although these challenges in life can feel very overwhelming and hard to live with, there are ways of overcoming them and many people do just that. I am sorry I do not have time to address them properly here and I am sorry you have had bad experiences of psychologists, I promise we are not all the same. You are obviously in distress because of what you are experiencing and I really would encourage you to seek help again, especially with the depression you are experiencing. I hope my reply offers at least some reassurance that what you are experiencing is quite common and not weird, even though it is distressing.
If you feel depressed and don’t feel able to reach out to anyone, then do seriously consider using a helpline such as the Samaritans (UK, 08457 90 90 90). It can really help ease some of the depression and make it feel more manageable. It can also be easier to open up to someone we know we won’t ever meet again than someone involved in our lives.
All the best with getting the support you deserve
Nick
October 26th, 2009 at 11:01 pm
If you ask my friends whether i’m self conscious or tense, depressed, and anxious they’ll most probably say no. I do have a healthy social life, lots of friends, and go out often. But inside im just a mess. I was bullied in school by some jerks which really effected me i would say. Im self conscious when I walk, talk, eat, drink, smoke, run, jog.. Really anything. Im very anxious around others, and yes, I do shake sometimes and become very tense. I recently started to gym..and I find it working. But once again, everytime I want to excersise on something there Im always scared im going to do it wrong, and that i wont know how it works, that everyone is looking at me… I’m just sick and tired of this, but a good thing to some extent is that I know the recovery lies within myself.. but I know i have no reason to feel like this! I’ll try ur tips though. Thanks.
October 27th, 2009 at 3:46 pm
Mec, thanks for your comment. People use to always comment about how calm I was, but the truth was that I was also a mess inside. It was easy for me to hide fear when I was too scared to express it. I think a lot of people with social anxiety also don’t let their anxiety show making it hard for others to understand sometimes. Best wishes with making progress. Nick
November 11th, 2009 at 1:41 pm
Hey Nick.
I think my problem is similar to Sam’s.
For almost 2 years now I have suffered from shaking, it first started in the hands until about a year ago when it progressed to head shaking. I find that wherever I go, no matter where, or whom with, i am out of place. It is a difficult feeling to desribe but I am sure you know what I am talking about. I now find it impossible to interact with anyone, even my oldest friends and family members because I get nervous they will notice the shaking (which they sometimes do, and when brought up it makes me feel useless). My biggest fear seems to be of authority figures and i don’t drive at night fearing that police will pick me up and will see me shaking. This happened once to me which is what I believe made this a constant fear. I used to be a heavy canabis user, I stopped using it after these symptons developed, finding they were only getting worse. Im not sure what to do anymore because i keep waiting for it all to go away but i fear it never will. I have never sought medical help because as im sure you understand its hard for me to go confront a doctor when i have this shaking. What can I do? I’m sick and tired of living this way.
November 16th, 2009 at 5:25 pm
Hey Tim,
I also used to be a heavy cannabis user and this definitely made my social anxiety worse, particularly regarding paranoid thoughts about what people were thinking about me. I gave it up to help overcome my social anxiety and I’m glad I did – good to hear you have done the same. I’ve also spoken to many other people who feel that cannabis has contributed to their social anxiety. It has not had a permanent effect on me as my life is no longer affected by social anxiety, and I strongly suspect that you can achieve the same too. It is definitely not something that will go away on it’s own though and you will need to take steps to break the cycle you’ve got caught in. i.e. worry about shaking making you anxious which makes you shake which gives you more to worry about. I’ll address this cycle and dealing with breaking out of it more specifically in my audio program when it’s finished. In the mean time I hope the suggestions I’ve given in my replies to other comments are of some help.
All the best,
Nick
November 25th, 2009 at 2:05 am
I’m happy to learn that I’m not alone… After many years of researching my symptoms, I now believe social anxiety is responsible for the tension I feel at the bottom left side of my face, around my nose and mouth… I only feel the tension when I’m around people, and it doesn’t matter how familiar the people are — they can be family, friends, or co-workers — the moment another person comes on the scene, the tension starts. Like others have stated here, I don’t seem to have any control over it; it happens automatically… I WISH that I appeared calm and collected on the outside, and only a mess on the INSIDE, but instead I always appear disgusted or like I smell something disgusting. My countenance makes OTHER PEOPLE feel self-conscious (they started reaching for gum or candy, or something to make them smell good/better), which makes me feel even more anxious and really bad for making them feel that way. I’ve also experienced sweating, inability to focus (because I’m so self-conscious), chills/tingling, etc. There are times when I wish there was something physically wrong with me, because it seems that would be easier to deal with… I’ve experienced these symptoms for the better portion of ten years, and I’ve grown weary… Although the thought of taking antidepressants scares me, and literally makes me cry, I feel I’ve run out of options. Any advice?
November 25th, 2009 at 2:10 am
I forgot to mention that I’m fairly certain there is nothing is physically wrong with me — I’ve had MRIs; I’ve had physicals, and blood tests, and all have come back normal…
November 26th, 2009 at 6:11 pm
Hi Tiffany, the tension you get in your face reminds me of an anxiety symptoms called ‘facial freezing’ as discussed on this social anxiety forum, http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f33/does-anyone-experience-facial-freezing-especially-mouth-26590/ It is one of the many symptoms that people with social anxiety have as part of a vicious cycle they are caught in. i.e. anxiety when around people (often due to worry about the onset of the symptom) then causes the symptom to happen which increases self-consciousness and anxiety levels making the symptom persist or get worse. Each of our bodies express anxiety in a slightly different way and sometimes we become concerned about what other people think of these symptoms and worry about how they are being interpreted.
Often it can feel like the symptom is the problem and that we need to get rid of it. This then can cause us to fight it, resist it and get stressed and anxious about it making the symptom worse. In one sense the symptom is the problem; if we didn’t have the symptom we wouldn’t feel anxious, but equally our concern about it is the problem; without our concern there would be no symptom. The thing to remember is that we can’t have any direct control over our symptoms but we can have some control over our concern and so this is a good place to focus your efforts. The less attention you give your symptom and the less you worry about it the less it will be there, because you won’t be so anxious. You’ve almost got to let your symptom be free to do what it likes.
When my anxiety was at it’s worst I started getting these conversations going on in my head as if there were two extra people in there talking to each other all the time. I got very distressed about this and felt like I was going mad. I was so stressed and couldn’t make it stop. For several days or weeks I battled with it and then one day I gave up. I thought “I don’t care any more, let it chatter away in there, let me going totally insane, let it take me over”, but then it disappeared. It took for me to give in to the symptom and accept it being there to make it go away. The truth was that I was actually creating the symptom by trying to fight and control it. So the more you and others can accept your symptom and accept other people’s reactions, the less symptom there will be to be concerned about.
I think a lot of people with social anxiety get concerned about making other people feel bad, but the truth is that every person is responsible for their own feelings. We can do things that trigger other people’s reactions, but ultimately they are responsible for their interpretations and how they react. Some people will understand and see that you are nervous, while others will misinterpret what is going on. It is their own responsibility to interpret things in the right way, but you can help them (if you feel it is appropriate) by explaining why you make that expression sometimes. Being open and honest about your symptoms will likely help both you and other people and reduce misunderstanding and feel more comfortable, but you must judge when it is the right time to do that.
Also, we can become so concerned about something that we start interpreting that we’re seeing as a sign of what we’re concerned about when those signs are actually there because for a different reason. So when you see people reach for their gum etc. it might not always be because of your facial tension, but it might seem that way because it is something you are very concerned about. Of course, sometimes it might be because of your facial tension, but probably less so that you realise. Thinking we see signs of our expectations is a known psychological phenomenon in all of us called confirmation bias (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Confirmation_bias) It’s something good to be mindful about.
I hope this helps in some way and good luck with making progress.
All the best,
Nick
January 16th, 2010 at 11:01 pm
Hi All,
The problem I have is holding drinks in public, whether it be a cup of coffee or a pint. At work I have a phobia of someone passing me a brew, as I feel like I’ll struggle to hold it one handed. If I make the brew myself, I’m ok, its just when I have to interact with others, although I’m not a shy person.
We usually go to the pub once a week from work, and I have to order a bottle for the first few drinks till I feel comfortable enough to hold a pint. If I am at home, I have no problem holding a pint glass, its just when I’m with others.
I think the fear of shaking definitely makes it worse for me. I was wondering if hypnotherapy might help. I’ve tried the calms tablets, but they dont seem to help at all.
Cheers
Jim
February 8th, 2010 at 11:26 pm
I just have to comment on this site. I’m feeling an indescribable kind of empathy and commonality reading this article and these comments which I feel I have to add to.
I also have problems with shaking hands while doing the simplest of daily tasks, like giving money to a cashier, holding a drink when someone is watching me, pouring a drink, eating and so on. This trend has also now only worsened with twitching also occurring in my neck, and possibly most annoyingly on my face. This latest development has made it difficult to simply talk to other human beings.
I have numerous other problems, among them; feelings of anxiety, depressive mood swings, concentration and motivation. I can’t stand it.
February 16th, 2010 at 5:32 pm
Hi Jim, Although I take a slightly different approach, the therapy that’s currently available that most people find helpful is Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. A lot of people try hypnotherapy, and although some say it helps them learn to relax at home etc., but there doesn’t seem to be much evidence of it making a significant difference to someone’s challenges with anxiety despite the promises it makes. This is just what I’ve heard from people over the years. I had an interest in it several years ago, but I focus on other methods now.
Hi Philip, I’m sorry to hear that both yourself, Jim and others are suffering with this. I’m glad you can relate to this blog entry though and I hope that is helpful to some degree. Sometimes the face twitches are called facial tics if that helps you find more information on it.
Best wishes,
Nick
March 10th, 2010 at 3:27 pm
I’m so glad I stumbled here from Google.
Reading Jim’s comment was like a huge foghorn blurting out ‘you’re not alone…’, right down to the ordering something like a bottle of beer initially, because there is less chance of spilling!
And as he said, I’m fine at home. A co-worker once handed me a tea and I had this bizarre freeze, where my arms locked up and I just utterly panicked, both of us still holding the mug.
This has definately got worse; I used to be a runner in Post Production and was able, albeit sometimes shakily, to walk into a room with a tray ful of teas. Sometimes I would take one in to a quite famous face and practically chuck it down so as to avoid spilling it or shaking in front of them. I wasn’t ‘overtly’ starstruck, it was again that strange fear that they would ‘think this or think that..’
I have OCD (The pure O kind) and a resulting agoraphobia that I largely punch through, yet I occasionally struggle, despite my ‘screw you’ attitude to the disorder.
I’m just getting over my terror of walking around the cavernous Westfield shopping centre nearby and I seldom turn down invites because of my fear.
However the reason I came online is thus; I just had a ‘moment’ (not for the first time) in Tescos. A woman served me, who has served me many times before and everytime she does, I have the hand and head shake occurance. Sometimes my head moves down at a wierd angle against my neck as if I can pretend I’m looking at the till or something, maybe to hide the shaking, I don’t know. It’s become pretty involuntary though… I tried to override the neck thing today and it only served to further the hand and head tremors. I paid and got out of there so quick! After reading some of this page I almost want to go back for another superfluous purchase just to ‘try again’. lol
But this is a reoccuring thing.. if a stranger has seen me struggle before, I then panic it will happen again; and, who knew, it does.
I invariably calm down a while after an anxiety onset (once away from the situation.) and on a day to day basis, the awkwardness is very mild in shop encounters, talking to clients etc…
But from time to time I’ll have a bad one; usually and invariably when I’m at the front of a queue and all eyes are on me!
One of the most annoying things is, I’m quite dramatically minded, good with voices and remembering dialogue; I honestly might harbour ambitions of acting if this wasn’t such a profound
part of my life!
I would say my girlfriend helps immensely and she herself has her own neurosis if you will. But being a secondary school teacher, she does something I couldn’t dream of! I’d be torn to pieces!
March 11th, 2010 at 12:03 am
Hello everybody,
im glad i found this website i’ve learned a lot and i found people’s experiences interesting to read and ive decided to share mine with you.
I have experiencing social anxiety symptoms some months now i though i was just paranoid in the start but as ive researched my recent feelings on the internet i found out that my feelings and fears were the same as those of social anxiety sufferers. I’ve noticed that some people discussed about the contribution of cannabis use in social anxiety in previous comments. I have been a cannabis daily user for almost two and a half years now and i beleive that all of my SA problems started from there.
My social anxiety symptoms are ten thousand times worst when im on weed, when im sober i dont really have much problems but i still get the shaking and the breaks on the tones of my voice sometimes when i notice people looking at me and sometimes when that happens and at the time im talkin with someone i say hings that i wouldnt normally say just to reply, because mainly what im thinking is what people are thinkin of me.If im on weed with people i dont really know i start shaking and people around me notice that sometimes. i am seriously thinkin of giving up weed because these feelings are really disturbing and are really starting to affect my life. It prevents me from acting normally meeting new people doing things and opening up conversations. I avoid many social interactions due to my fear of more people noticing this effects and thing that im a weird peson. i know that my case is not as serious as other people’s here but what i am afraid of is that it can get much worst in the future and i really dont want to let this happen. i would be more than pleased to read your replies on my comment because this is the first time i am talkin about it and actually getting it out of me, and i already feel better. i would really like to thank nick hanlon for his earlier posts sharing some useful ways to overcome social anxiety.
Thank you,
john
March 17th, 2010 at 5:14 pm
Thanks for your comments. It’s great to hear that this entry has been useful to people. There’s an entry and video I made on social anxiety and cannabis if you or anyone hasn’t come across it already, http://www.socialanxiety.co.uk/blog/cannabis
Well done for talking about this, John, it’s not easy, but like you say it does feel better to say it. I’m sure it will also encourage others to talk. Both you (and James above) are certainly not alone with these difficulties.
Best wishes,
Nick
May 8th, 2010 at 6:01 am
Hi, I have social anxiety too and shaking because of being nervous is one of my main problems.
It makes simple things like drinking from a glass difficult and frustrating. Even things like taking some change from a shop cashier are really hard.
It even affects my face sometimes too, especially at places like the dentist or opticians. It’s really embarrassing aswell because I can tell they notice.
June 4th, 2010 at 1:16 am
Hi. ive had the issue of walking in my highschool. people make fun of me when i walk ALL the time. my parents criticize me about my back being bent too much when i walk and looking like an old man and want me to fix my posture problem, but i’m just too afraid. this makes my dad think he looks bad out in public and dislikes me because of it. also, ive tried taking st. john’s wort for a while this year, but i realized i don’t want to take medication to fix this problem. i want to do it naturally. i REALLY need help fixing it. like, when i walk, i’m always focused on different parts of my body and how they look when i walk, making me look like a total idiot. its either the legs one period or feet the next. please, help me fix this problem. i look bad enough when i walk normally because of my exterior (i’m pretty skinny, hoping i could get bigger this summer) and it only looks worse with the anxiety. its my third year, and its basically the reason why girls don’t like me. one time these girls were talking about how they thought i was cute and one asked the other “why don’t you ask him out” and the other whispered “he can’t walk properly.” one guy told his gf in front of me i was “fucked up” once and that i must do drugs or drink or something. i just want to have a normal life and not have a crappy one because of this stupid crap i have to deal with. but i can’t have anyone know. not even people close to me.
October 15th, 2010 at 10:56 pm
Hey guys. Im 16 years old, and have never been overly confident and in regards am quite shy. I have so much going for me in regards to my education, sport and social life. I am a likeable decent looking guy. My feelings of anxiety, worry and profuse sweating everyday started in June this year for no apparent reason, maybe I was stressed about upcoming school work. Since then, everyday for me has been a living hell. I sweat all day at school, and have a constant feeling inside me like my heart is racing or I have butterflys. I am so focused on this sweating business that I am breaking down and emotionally struggling. This has limited my social life and restricted many things that Id like to do. The condition has worsened as it now happens when I go to the movies, a friends house, at the start of work (but eventually passes), on public transport, ordering food or rarely at home when I focus on it. I have tried so many deoderants, anitpersperants and even driclor. My greatest fear, basically is smelling and people making fun of me for that reason. I try to hide thefact that I am sweating, in fear of people making fun of me or for smelling, even though I shower twice a day and always use antipersperant/deoderant. I am super active and athletic, I cant see how this is happening to me. I also feel extremely hot like my underams and my body are acting as their own heater generator giving off heat. These must be linked to my feelings of insecurity/anxiety, even when im in a Tshirt. After a while at school my underarms become more dry, but I still feel as though I can feel sweat running, and am fearful that the heat given off and my excess sweating will smell and revolt people. I try to avoid close confrontations with people, in fear that my sweating will smell. It seems to have become a cycle now, I have seen my local doctor and also a psychologist, who treated smoking and alcohol addicts, although I was his first patient of this kind. It just didnt work. My parents have told me countless times that I dont smell, that this is normal and that I need to relax. At school I think can smell a sweaty odour, but once I get home and smell my shirts, they smell quite normal and fresh. When people make comments about something smelling, I instantly think its me. I know I can beat this, but this is killing me, it seems like this life is a fking waste now, like im a waste. I blush very easily, and am very self concious. Please any advice, tips, or words of wisdom would be so greatly appreciated. I am trying to do something about this, and Know I will beat it. This is a rough stage of my life, but I am trying to conquer it, its gone on for too long. Ive tried telling myself who cares if i sweat it doesnt matter, but that heart racing feeling and nervousness remains. Thanks so much, and for listening.
February 6th, 2011 at 3:34 pm
Hello,
I work as a bartender / waiter and I get nervous about my hands shaking when pouring wines, drinks, etc so at work, I would always have a few shots of brandy, this calms me, it removes the worry of shaking and I can function almost perfect as a bartender. Hands wise anyways I mean they dont shake and im not nervous or worrying about what people think etc etc. Its really annoying and I hate this, Im only 24 years old and Ive noticed this shaking since I was mabey 17. Saying all that, I have suffered from social anixety from a Very young age.
Ive just ordered some Ideral (proponal) on the internet, hopefully it might help ? I dont have the guts to tell my doctor about it (last time i was in there for a flu, i had to sign my name on a sheet and my hands where shaking, he didnt say anything though). Can you help me or advise me please? Im so lonely and I think sometimes is my life even worth living
March 7th, 2011 at 7:22 pm
I am so glad I found this as well. This is my first time researching this as my shaking just started a few weeks ago. I just started shaking right now as I began to type.
My boyfriend and I broke up a month ago. We were together for 2 years and lived together. The break up was very mutual. Irreconcilable differences. I was pretty sad and lonely at first, but mostly relieved to be rid of the mooch, then 3 days after the break up, I heard from a friend that he had been seen spending a lot of time with the girl that had been a subject for one of his paintings (she happens to be ten years younger than me…ouch). I asked him about it and he said that they would probably hook up. I was furious. I felt so betrayed and hurt that for a week I was a wreck. I would come home from work and collapse on my floor screaming in tears and shaking so bad it would classify as convulsing. I forced myself to snap out of it with help from great friends. I have a 2 year old daughter so, I had to be functional.
About a week later, I was asked out by A guy in my circle of friends. I was thrilled. We met up for a drink before dinner and I was so nervous. We ordered drinks and when I went to pick mine up, I was shaking so bad it almost flew out of my hand. I put it back down immediately. I went to the bathroom to try and compose myself but, it didn’t help. I sat back down and didn’t touch my drink for ten minutes. I told him it was my daughters bedtime and that I had to go outside to call her. I called my mom and told her what happened. She said everything she should have and I made it through the drink and we left.
I’ve been seeing this guy for about three weeks. It’s been amazing but, it still happens. I try my best to hide it but, It’s getting worse. I work in a kitchen which keeps me busy and I’m fine but, when I walk out to the floor to get a glass of water, I pick it up and realize I’m shaking again! It comes and goes throughout the day. It even happens when I’m at home just when I think about certain things (like this guy). It was really freaking me out until I found this site. I guess I know now what’s wrong with me. I’m afraid people notice and think I’m an alcoholic and that I have DT’s.
I would like to know if you think that the break up is the trigger for this and why (it’s pretty clear to me that is, I would just like some feedback). I have always had a little social anxiety and I lead a pretty stressful life. On the other hand, I love my life. I have a great time and a very positive outlook. This shaking thing is always on my mind and it is causing me a great deal of stress all day, everyday.
Thank you
@Steve with the stammer; I think stammers are absolutely adorable and whether the speech therapy helps or not, I think you should embrace it. If someone doesn’t like it, they can talk to someone else.
March 18th, 2011 at 9:54 pm
Yesterday as I was driving I had to stop in front of a bustop. I noticed my head felt like shaking. Then I remembered that this feeling was very common when I worked in retail. I am agoraphobic, socially anxious, generalized anxiety, and more. I avoid many places because of my anxieties. I go to school though. I do notice that I tend to fidget with something in my hand a lot when I am on my way to school and while there. I also notice that some people look at me (it seems to be because of the fidgeting). Who knows, but for me it helps to distract myself by doing something with my hands, one hand a tleast.
June 12th, 2011 at 9:48 am
I have been part of an events company for a few weeks now but I am having real difficulties with my social anxiety. Yesterday I had to waiter at a high profile wedding and I was serving wines and my hands wouldn’t stop shaking. Going around the table of 8 people with them all watching my shaky hands was so embarrassing. I couldn’t deal with it anymore so I asked someone else to serve my table drinks for me. I feel like such a failure and really don’t want to do such a job again. I have seen a therapist, and in the short-term it worked. But now I am supposed to be going to university and I can feel all the anxieties rushing back to me. I don’t know what to do. I feel that now medication is the only thing that can solve it, any ideas on what is effective?
August 20th, 2011 at 4:45 am
I get the whole “watery eyes” thing when I’m around people too, especially around strangers. I know this is an old article, and Nick will likely never read this, but I wish somebody with more knowledge about social anxiety disorders than I have could investigate this watery eye response that just comes on uncontrollably. As well as give some advice on how to deal with it. IT SEEMS THAT THE MORE I TRY TO STOP IT, THE MORE THEY WATER. It’s hell!!! I cannot find any discussion on this “social eye watering” disorder by a psychologist anywhere on the internet.
September 1st, 2011 at 2:26 am
I must say this site helped me ALOT…and also gave me some new worries! I suffer from anxety and panic attacks…I have been taking buspar and also left my very stressful job! i am back on the job hunt and had an interview for the first time in 4 years today! i got sooooo nervous and completly lost my cool! tha manager had to ask me if im okay and if i need to sit down i was shaking and twitching so bad! Im glad to see im not alone…wish we could all overcome this embarassing problem! going to make dr aptment tomorrow..i cant live this way! i need to and will get over this!
October 26th, 2011 at 6:39 pm
I’ve been reading about social anxiety for couple of days. my english is not so good, but you’ll understand…I have a big problem! I have all the symptoms of anxiety, pounding heart and then my hands starts to shake, and i mean REALY shake, i think my arms shake…I actually worked as a waitress, it was awful! especially when I served coffee…but i did it anyway, for 2 years. the good thing was that my boss was my friend, and he didn’t mind, i didn’t get fired, he never said anything about it. but now, i got a new job, as a cashier, it should start in 2 weeks, and you can imagine shaking doing that! im nervous just thinking about it! i have no idea how to deal with this…when i do something for some time, i get used to the job and i can handle it then, but first couple weeks really scares me becouse i could get fired…i mean, lets face it, which boss would keep shaky girl when he can find normal one who wont pass out just becouse people wonna bye food! I was thinking to actually tell him that it could happen, but then again…he doesnt have time or nervs to deal with that…and he doesn’t even know me, why would he? im very responsible, and I know I am a good worker and great person, but I am very afraid this would cost me normal life…I am not shy eather, I have no idea why this is happening! its like a panic attack and I know it will happen, its like I’m pushing myslef to embarressement! again, sorry for my english
January 11th, 2012 at 6:24 pm
I am so glad I have seen this site and have read through peoples situations with interest. My shakyness started a few years ago when being handed a drink in a pub, still happens in that situation, although it subsides quite quickly, but my main problem is when someone at work sits with me at the computer. If its someone I’m not entirely comfortable with my hands shake when using the mouse and its quite obvious and it gets so embarrassing. I have been out of work quite a bit these past few months so tends to happen if I am starting a new temping role and someone needs to train me. Being out of work has obviously affected my confidence.
I know from reading the case studies and responses its down to almost being afraid of myself and subconciously bringing on the shaking. Its something I am going to work out how to control but I feel so comforted after reading some of the other comments…ITS NOT JUST ME. Thanks everyone x
January 15th, 2012 at 11:03 pm
What has worked for me: I am a shaking SA sufferer since 20 years (I am now 40), but over the last two years I have eliminated 80-90% of the problem and I am entirely medication free. The SA tremors created a living hell for me, only surpassed by the hell created by benzos, antidepressants etc. over a 15-year period. Horrible side effects beyond belief. But now to my step-by-step solution.
1. Reach out, be open and be 100% honest to yourself and others! It is absolutely crucial to talk to someone about your issues in order to defuse them. The “I have to hide my dark secret” thinking is a key component of the problem.
2. You have to stop feeling ashamed – tell yourself “I may tremble and look nervous sometimes but I’m still a lovely and competent person”. Accept that you are (for the moment) a socially anxious person. The day you can confidently tell a dinner crowd “look – now my silly hand tremor has started again”, that will be a day very close to the moment of your full recovery. No decent person will look down on you the slightest for doing that – quite to the contrary. If you communicate well instead of (perhaps unsuccessfully) hiding things people around you will feel more at ease as well.
3. Identify the key triggers. For me it was the anticipation of being watched. So what did I need to practice? I needed to practice being watched of course!
4. Through gradual exposure (very important – baby-steps!) I learnt to feel relaxed while being watched. I did this without a therapist, but I would recommend using a CBT-therapist specialized in social anxiety and actual real-life exposure training in order to achieve faster progress. Start and get confident with mental visualization before going IRL.
5. Get to know your sensations. Feel and even try to strengthen the bad sensations as they arise – getting rid of the “fear of the fear sensations” is essential. Then experiment around how you can blow the bad feeling to bits and replace it with a good feeling. For me rolling my shoulders crates some kind of flow and good feeling that can be used to replace the bad feelings. You have conditioned yourself to feel bad in certain situation – so reconditioning is needed. Become a relaxation expert (meditation, Jacobsen and more are helpful tools), and try to connect the relaxed feelings with dreaded scenarios.
6. New thinking pattern: Instead of thinking “I hope this doesn’t happen, I hope she doesn’t see me” etc, I am thinking the opposite (George Constanza principle): “I hope that annoying person sees me, my shaking and comments on it, because I’m going to be ok with that and that will be yet another pesonal victory”. Be bold and confidently anticipate various scary scenarios instead of thinking “I hope this or that won’t happen because if it does I’m gonna freak out…”. Don’t avoid the challenge, meet it!
7. Don’t try to stop the shaking – instead tell it “Shake more! Shake more!”
8. Make sure you get all the essential nutrients through a balanced diet and additional multivitamin/mineral supplements.
9. Practice your fine motor skills regarding the very muscles that have a tendency to shake. It seems stress can somehow disconnect the eye-hand fine motor coordination, so you may have to build these skills again (similar to post-stroke training). Take up sewing or something else that will rebuild your coordination.
10. Reprogramme your stress reflexes – tell yourself everyday “Whenever I feel a stress sensation it is a message saying I should relax” – do this repeatedly over the course of some weeks and months and your subconscious will gradually turn you into a person that handles stress in a naturally relaxed way.
11. Practice not giving a damn about what other people think. Wear a stupid costume, go into a McDonalds’ and ask for a pizza. They will think you’re a nut, but who cares! Practice having fake nervous breakdowns, fake shaking etc. This will teach you to take your problems more lightly and with humor.
Conclusion: Medications and alcohol act to anesthetize and cover-up the roots of the problem while lessening your true potential. The day you stop being ashamed of your SA problems, that day most of the problem will have gone away. If you are open with people and gradually practice relaxation while in “dreaded scenarios”, you will be on a path of continuous progress. It may take some time (perhaps you spent ten years building up the problem – you may need one or two years to fix it), but you won’t regret it.
I am not saying these steps form THE ONLY solution for everyone. I am just saying it worked for me, and I suspect it would work for a lot others too.
I wish you all the best of luck from the bottom of my heart – I know how bad it can be – beyond any words really. But in a way it isn’t as bad as we think. It is the glossy walls of fake perfection that people put up between them that make it so difficult, but honestly, there are millions and millions of helpful souls out their that want to tear down the walls and help you, if you just let them…
January 21st, 2012 at 11:56 pm
I have suffered with social anxiety my whole life, although as a child I was just called “painfully shy”. My meditation practice has helped a great deal (Falun Dafa) but it still comes up, though increasingly weaker. I think self love helps too. I have several good friends now, and I know that any one worth being my friend won’t judge me if I get inexplicably anxious sometimes. Still it is difficult to deal with sometimes, and can even come up with people who I know fairly well, especially if it’s been a while since I’ve seen them. I’ve even felt it with family members. One thing that I absolutely have to avoid are large parties. I just can’t seem to get a handle on my anxiety in these situations, but with small groups of people I’m usually fine now, unless I’m over tired or hungry. Today I had a friend over for tea, and I felt quite happy and comfortable, but after about 30 min. the conversation turned away from politics and to more personal, emotional issues. This is what often gets me. I’m afraid of reveling too much. Of course I started shaking and was having trouble breathing, and making eye contact because I felt that she would see the fear in my eyes and think that I’m weird. Honestly thought she didn’t act like she noticed. It’s hard to maintain conversation in these circumstances though because my brain sort of whites out and I can’t really think clearly. I’m grateful that it’s getting better though, 10 years ago I wouldn’t be able to do half the things that I do today, like having a tea party. I dropped out of college 4 times despite the fact that I always maintained a 4.0, but I just couldn’t manage the anxiety. I hope to go back this fall though, I think that I can handle it now.
January 28th, 2012 at 2:27 am
John I really like your post – how do you/ did you get on being 100 percent honest with others…… This is what I really want to do as I feel it will help but I’m so worried about revealing my ‘secret’! Ie if you are in a situation and experiencing extreme anxiety that becomes obvious – what do you actually say without having to give a full blown account explaining it! Thanks!