My Story Chapter Four
If you have ever tried job hunting while experiencing social phobia you likely know how hard it is. You will also likely know how easy it is to get unfairly treated in the workplace and how hard it is to stand up for yourself. In this fourth chapter of my life and social anxiety I talk about work, job interviews and not being assertive.
Tags: Assertiveness, Job Interviews, Nick Hanlon, Social Phobia, Story, Work, Workplace
November 24th, 2011 at 8:36 pm
Fascinating video. Work for me is absolute hell. I’m highly creative (although completely unpractical), , so the jobs I have to take are mainly low paid and non-skilled. I do this just to get by.
My most recent job has been an absolute disaster story. During the introductory training session I was briefly observed by two other people. This is a toxic scenario for my SA as it basically sends me into meltdown. My job (would have)involved the simple booking-in of smartphones for repair and further technical inspection, so the training session was initially designed to acquaint me with the process. However, realizing that I was being observed I suffered a complete loss of mental function and basically went into a kind of strange stupor where I was unable to perform even the simplest task. The supervisor thought I was basically mental and I was left trying to come up with excuses as to why I had frozen. I made a hasty excuse that my eyes were the problem. Of course, this backfired on me as the work includes a monotonous yet accurate reading of serial numbers, so the supervisor wasn’t at all impressed by this and (although it was not made known to me) I knew that my name was already blackened.
I was quickly put onto other duties, however, unable to ask pertinent questions (the old SA fear of analysis leading to ridicule) I could not function in that position either. Needless to say that it wasn’t long before my supervisor approached me again, asserting that I had made other mistakes that would require me to be moved again to even more basic tasks. I found this extremely humiliating (I’m 33) and was now watching new starters many years younger than me leap-frog me and happily integrate into the work environment while I languished. What was worse was the fact that because of my SA, I simply nodded along with my supervisors devaluation of me.
This brings me to the present day. I’m still in the same job, however, my daily life is now hell, having been given only basic tasks (placing damaged Ipods into scrap boxes), while others are given full access to all the training opportunities the job has to offer. The worst part was being told by my supervisor that my present task was ” so simple that I would not be able to make errors”. I now fear that I am at the end of a long chain of events that was initially started by my SA meltdown. I also now fear that I am being judged as being in some way simple because of my SA.
I find this simply soul destroying as I don’t think of myself as unintelligent. Like I have mentioned, although not very practical, I have a degree and love to write. I’m even working on a novel in the background to this job, although my job situation is severely affecting my creative abilities as I feel that the loss of station steals my confidence in finding a reason to put words onto paper.
I guess my question now is what do I do? The urge to walk away is simply overwhelming. The only problem is money. I need to earn money. Working in a warehouse, the owners and supervisors simply aren’t concerned about (what they would perceive to be) my excuses for poor performance so why should I even bother trying anymore? I’m sorry to unload like this, but I simply feel at the end of my tether.
Post note: Before attending this job I did work as a teaching assistant and quite enjoyed the post. However, the work was infrequent, which has led me to take this current dire position.
Yours disastrously and anxious, CJ