Mind goes blank
Probably the most common fear people with social anxiety have is that their mind will go blank and they will not be able to think of anything to say to people. This was my most serious worry when I was socially anxious and it was what much of my social anxiety revolved around. Of course, the more I worried about it, the more anxious I became and the more I could not think and focus on what everyone else was saying. The end result was that I could sit within a group of people for hours and barely utter a single word. There was just the great sense of anxious emptiness which became particularly prominent if someone put me on the spot and asked a question.
I am sure many of you have been there, sat in silence, feeling frustrated and inadequate because you could not get your mind to work and your mouth to move. Then, when you do actually manage to think of something to say the conversation has moved on and what you had to say would sound out of place. And, Because you have been sat their in silence for so long it seems like it would be a big deal if you spoke. So you leave early or endure the situation with worries that people think you are being anti-social, rude, boring or stupid. You then give yourself a good mental beating up and go and hibinate until you feel enough time has passed for people to forget the event.
There are two reasons why the mind going blank problem exists for many people with social anxiety. Firstly, when we get very anxious the way we think changes. Our conscious mind starts to switch off and we go into more of a reactive state rather than a reflective one. Our senses heighten, our muscles tense and we enter a total state of heightened readiness. This is very good for the quick reactions needed in fighting, dodging and escaping, but unfortunately not so greatly wonderful when it comes to conversation.
The second reason why this problem exists is to do with the very self-critical mindset that goes along with social anxiety. It is not so much that there is nothing to say, but more that nothing seems good enough to say. When we have this self-critical mindset we identify a problem with almost everything we think of and reject it before it manages to reach our lips. We think, ‘people might think it’s boring’, ‘what if it annoys them?’, ‘what if that’s something that upsets them?’, ‘it might sound stupid’, ‘what if I’m wrong?’. We hold our own conversations in our head and trial-run them before we put them out into the world, but the problem is that we always imagine the response to be one of ridicule, anger, boredom, or anything else we might fear happening. We reject every single word and sentence in fear that it will be wrong leaving us with nothing. We then proceed to criticise and reject our mental blankness, but of course we have nowhere to turn leaving us feeling frustrated and stuck.
If you struggle to find your words in social situations then I would love to hear your thoughts about it, but of course, I will understand if you cannot think of anything to say.
Tags: Anxiety symptom, Can't speak to people, Can't think of anything to say, Mental blanks, Mind goes blank, Scared to speak to people, Self-criticism, Self-rejection, Thought rejection, Too scared to speak
December 5th, 2009 at 11:35 pm
Heya, i am Charlene. I have social anxiety disorder, which i have had for as long as i can remember, i have the same problem, my mind goes blank in social situations, cause i worry about what people will think of what i say, they might find it boring, or stupid. Which will make me feel humiliated. So i just dont bother saying it. It’s really horrible, my heart starts racing, i sweat, and shake. I am also embarrassed that people will notice that, and think i am weird. I am trying really hard at the moment to overcome this, without help. Do you think it is possible for me to achieve this on my own?
Thanks for your time.
December 8th, 2009 at 12:19 am
Heya Charlene,
Everyone is different and starts from a different place so that is a hard question to answer. Many people try to overcome their social anxiety without help and some succeed and some continue to struggle. I would say most people need to at least learn more about their social anxiety from books or other sources. Social anxiety is often paradoxical meaning that often what seems to help relieve it can be contributing to the problem. It’s important to understand this so you don’t put a lot of effort into making the wrong changes only to find you struggle even more and lose hope.
I overcame my social anxiety without medications or one-to-one therapy, but I did invest a lot of time in learning about social anxiety and I also had the benefit from a support group. A support group is a good idea if there’s one within reach. A book like Martin M. Antony’s ’10 Simple solutions to shyness’ is a good place to start, but you may find you need something more comprehensive. My audio program, when it’s finished. will provide all the information that most people need, but I hope you won’t require it by then and will have made good progress.
One of the biggest benefits people seem to gain from one-to-one therapy is having someone to check in with once a week which helps with motivation and following through on therapy exercises. If you can stay motivated and persist with making changes then you’re half way there. Obviously it takes more than just motivation, but motivation is a big part of it. Other benefits include having someone to provide clarity and new perspectives when you get stuck and someone just to talk to so you can organise your thoughts a bit. Journal writing and support group can help with this latter point though.
Therapists will work with your exact difficulties but can be expensive (if not paid by insurance or NHS) and are time limited, a 40-60 minute session goes very quickly. Books and audio programs can offer much more information in a shorter space of time for less money, and may even offer better quality information, but cannot offer the personalised approach of a therapist. Neither can promise success though as that depends on the individual’s commitment.
I think with the right information there’s a good chance you can do this on your own, but don’t hesitate to seek professional one-to-one help if you struggle, especially if you start experiencing thoughts of self harm/suicide.
All the best with making progress,
Nick
December 23rd, 2009 at 6:07 pm
Hey Nick,
You’ve just written the story of my life from age 12 to 30+. It was at its worst in my teens; I was practically disabled by social anxiety. I had a few friends I could get on with, but I was at everyone else’s mercy, I was too afraid to speak or answer back. I was derided for it, sometimes bullied, and missed out on important bits of life well into my twenties. I wanted the floor to swallow me at times – it’s a grim feeling, especially when everyone around you appears to be having a great time and you can’t join in.
I hated myself for it and had quite a heavy alcohol habit by the end of my teens – the first 3 drinks would help, but it was all down hill from there, all the way to the 14th pint in some night club, leaving on my own night after night for years on end.
I calmed down the drinking over a few years and the anxiety receded, but has never quite left me. At 38 I’m now but bitter and angry that I wasted so much of my life’s potential and believed that it was all set in stone.
I am much better these days in that although I’m still fairly quiet, and my mind regularly goes blank in social situations – I sometimes avoid socialising (in order to avoid the anxiety if I’m honest) – but I don’t feel crippled by the anxiety like I did.
It’s a long road from isolation to actively looking forward to socialising and enjoying myself without embarrassment when the moment arrives, but at least I can see there is a road now.
Great blog BTW, it helps to hear from other sufferers.
December 30th, 2009 at 5:51 am
hey, i have the same problem and nothing to say now except i find solitude in the fact that i am not alone and that someone out there, whoever it is understands and can relate to how i feel
December 30th, 2009 at 5:57 pm
Thanks for your comments. I’ve met a lot of people struggling with social anxiety and many of their experiences are surprisingly similar to that of my own.
January 9th, 2010 at 5:54 pm
Hi, I am 25 year old girl. I have the same problem, maybe because of my childhood experiences when I was isolated from my class because I used to score more marks than the bully of my class. But this thing happens to me mostly when I want to make friends with someone. I am actually very playful and lively at home and with someone who I am comfortable with, or when I have to talk to someone formally. But while making new friends I just cannot get involved, which leaves an impression on them that I am not interested. It takes a hell of a lot of time to get over it. All this is still fine…
But what makes me feel really miserable is that I have lost my best friend because of this attitude. Due to my fear that I might hurt her I could not talk to her properly for some days. And she thought that I am not interested in talking to her. So she started avoiding me and stopped talking completely. Even after telling her everything how I felt she could not understand. We had been so close for about a year. And she was the only one with whom I could talk so freely. Just like a sister she was too me. And now I have lost my confidence will I be able to make friends again. If she could not understand me who else will.
I have otherwise quite a few friends but am not able to share my feelings with anyone. I always had this fear that nobody would understand me and I have been proved right the first time I tried to tell anyone. Am just too much depressed now…
January 17th, 2010 at 4:43 am
I hate the feeling I get when I’m in a group of people as if I’m missing the point of what they are talking about, as if they know something I don’t because I just can’t identify with them. Being an introverted person, I prefer conversations within small groups of people I know — but then again, I often feel that if I say something “wrong” I will be even more scrutinised by people I know, who are close to me and whose opinions are appreciate more than those of a stranger.
Another thing that makes me mad sometimes is that I often remember what I should or what would be good I would have said after the person leaves or even when I’m still talking to that person and another topic comes up.
I also have a question here — I know that facing and confronting situations that are anxiety provoking is important in dealing with social anxiety. Is it therefore recommended that one faces the situations such as going to nightclubs or public places even though they are not enjoyable, and the reason for that might not be only SAD? As mentioned, I’m more of an introverted person and prefer smaller and more intimated groups, loud and overcrowded places have never been my thing. Opinions?
Thank you and kind regards.
January 19th, 2010 at 9:02 pm
Hi tejka, it’s important that your progress is about being able to do the things you want to do in life rather than the activities others generally take part in. It is therefore best to work on facing the situations you would like to be at ease in. This should be done in a gradual way so you are always facing something that is a little anxiety provoking but not so overwhelming that you have to exit the situation before you anxiety naturally subsides.
There might reasons that you would face situations that you don’t necessarily want to be involved in, such as situations that crop up for all of us that we need to attend for work, family or otherwise. For example, you might want to attend a friends birthday celebration because they are a good friend, but this means going to a nightclub with them.
Also it’s important to question if it’s that you don’t like these situations because you always feel anxious in them and have associated that feeling to them, or is it just that you have other things that you prefer doing instead. The answer could be either. I used to always feel like I was missing out on going out to bars and clubs, but since I’ve felt confident in myself and don’t find those situations anxiety provoking I’ve found I prefer doing other things. Conversely, I used to hate going into gyms, but I now realise that I only hated them because I felt anxious and intimidated there. Now I quite like going to the gym.
I hope this answers your question. All the best,
Nick
January 22nd, 2010 at 5:56 pm
Hi I am a 21 year old girl. Until the age of 18 I didn’t suffer with confidence issues. I wasn’t particularly confident but I didn’t find social situations daunting. When I began university however, I started getting anxiety and panic attacks. This have completely destroyed my confidence in myself, my work and socially. I have a Law degree and I am now at the stage where I am undergoing interviews with law firms.
I was on medicaton for my anxiety throughout my final year because I was so anxious about my exams I was unable to eat or sleep. At times I was unable to think about anything other than freezing in exams, which made me unable to work and thus even more about inadequetly performing in exams.
I have been to see doctors, but other than presribe medication (which I am reluctant to take) I get the impression that there is nothing much they can do. There is no therapist in my area they can refer me too, and besides I don’t think my parents could afford it.
When my anxiety first started I feared getting ill, e.g. heart attack/ blot clots/ meningitious/ cancer. I would get so anxious I would actually bring on an actual fever and a rash and I constantly phoned the NHS healthline because I thought I was dieing. At this point my social anxiey was not that bad, I found being around my friends and being in normal situations eased my syptoms.
However, my anxiety gradually manifested in other things for example travelling on trains/ metros/ buses/ areoplanes. I also get anxious when at the cinema or in a resturant. I am currently still studying and began a new course this year (it is a complusory course that you have to complete to become a solicitor) and although I have made some good friends, I constantly blush when I am talking to them and I feel so arkward and embrassed a lot of the time. This happens even when nothing remotely embrassing has happened so I am worried people will just think I am weird. I also blush when I am talking to my family. I realy don’t know why I have started doing this, I suppose it is just another way my anxeity is manifesting. But it is just so humiliating and disabling.
I have an interview this Monday and I am so worried about it. I fear that if I carry on like this I am going to mess up the career I have worked so hard for.
January 26th, 2010 at 4:56 pm
Hi Hanna, Anxiety really can have a big impact on people’s lives. I’m sorry to hear that it has affected you this much. It is sad to hear that your doctor cannot refer you to secondary services for therapy, it is often the case though due to limited resources. Things are now improving slowly, but never fast enough. Have a read through the blog entry on blushing and sweating and the comments as that may help, http://www.socialanxiety.co.uk/blog/blushing-and-sweating You may also find this video helpful, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=utM8RjrQSmc&feature=PlayList&p=2D814627A8217459&index=0&playnext=1. It does suggest that it’s best to have a therapist, but it’s still possible to make a lot of progress without one if you persist and work through exercises carefully. In addition to that I’d really encourage you to start working through a book such as ‘Overcoming Social Anxiety Shyness’ by Gillian Butler. Go for the newer 2009 edition. If there is a support group in your area then that can really help too, particularly with social anxiety. Best wishes, Nick.
January 27th, 2010 at 9:51 pm
Hello,
I was very frightened about the blind spots in the talking, or when somebody ask question. I was faced with the situation when I was not able to thing at all. But on the other hand I am involved in the meditation practices now, and the discovery was that those blind spots can be the source of great happiness. Mediators know that if you remain in this spot for longer period of time consciously the thing will change in unexpected way.
My friends when you frighten to death similarly like I do sometimes, try to do it consciously. Our disorder can change it face dramatically.
Miro Smolicek
(Slovakia)
February 21st, 2010 at 10:26 pm
haha sooo thats exactly me what youve wrote.
But what i need to know its how to treat it?
February 23rd, 2010 at 7:27 pm
Thanks for your comment. I’m working on something, but in the mean time there is some information on this page to point people in the right direction, http://www.sawest.org/social_anxiety_help.shtml It’s mainly for the UK and users of our groups, but there is still lots of relevant information there for other people.
Nick
July 31st, 2010 at 1:37 pm
Hey Guys
Some very interesting blogs on here which whilst reading i’m finding i can relate to most of these, i.e. when i go out with friends to a bar or club I; 1) hate meeting / trying to start conversations with people i do not know for the reasons that i may appear stupid or that they take the mick when my back is turned, 2) i always disappear towards the end of the night on my own, not telling anybody that i have left and generally in a very sad and depressed mood.
I’m 27 and up until about 23/24 i never really had these problems i was very confident and nothing seemed to bother me, but the last 3 or 4 years or so it seems to be getting worse and worse to the point that my confidence is very low and i take knock backs harder than i should, always dwelling on the negatives and working myself into a very negative attitude and low self opinion/worth. When things go wrong i seem to want to run away and hide rather than having the confidence in myself to deal with the situation.
I’m currently training to be a commercial pilot, and its now during my advanced part of the training that im realising these traits are not healthy for me and hindering me in the way i deal with situations in the cockpit often leading me to feel very unsure of myself and hence when the stress is piled on i find my mind goes blank i do not have an answer nor so i feel in control, i’m dreading the interviews for the airlines at the end of the year.
I’d appreaciate any help/opinions if any of you have any to help me out.
Many Thanks
Paul
September 6th, 2010 at 10:00 pm
Hi Paul, thank you for sharing your experiences. Your case is slightly unusual as most people develop social phobia either in early childhood or in their teens, although it is not unheard of for people to develop social phobia in their 20s. Regardless, the steps you will need to take will still be the same. There is a general guide to seeking help on our social anxiety support group website in Bristol. Please visit, http://www.sawest.org/social_anxiety_help.shtml. Not all the information will be relevant to you if you do not live in the UK, but hopefully some of it will still be useful. There are no magic quick answers, but it is almost certain that you can overcome your anxiety with enough persistence and the right strategy. Good luck with your pilot training and interviews.
September 8th, 2010 at 8:25 pm
umm hi. im a 15 year old girl with social anxiety. ive had it for as long as i can remember. i can relate to the whole mind goes blank thing. i hate it. it makes me really awkward to talk to sometimes. of course, i can be myself with my closer friends, but with anyone else, my heart begins to race and im desperate to find something to say. i try and try and try to think of something that will hold the conversation, but a lot of the time i fail. i see everyone around me is able to talk to anyone and be themself, but im terrified of what people will think of me if i am myself. i only learnt that i had social anxiety about 2 months ago but ive had it since i was like 7 due to being bullied for my looks. i used to be able to talk in front of a crowd with no fear, and now i avoid nearly all social situations, unless im maybe with a close friend. im not even sure what im asking, but do you have any advice on how i can really be myself + help me believe that if im not always going to say something stupid? thanks (sorry for the grammar etc but im in a rush so)
September 11th, 2010 at 11:46 pm
Hi Veronica,
Thanks for your comment, and sorry to hear you were bullied. It is something I hear too often with people with social anxiety.
When we are anxious in social situations we tend to be more prone to making mistakes and performing poorly socially. We then worry about this and this makes even more anxious and makes the situation worse. It’s a vicious cycle that people often get caught up in. Most people are harsh on themselves for making mistakes and not performing as they would wish but it is not their fault, it is because of the anxiety. You would be able to perform just as well as other people if you didn’t feel so anxious.
Given your age I would really encourage you to arranged with your parents to see doctor about this and ask if you can be referred for cognitive behavioural therapy. I can understand that you may feel hesitant about this, but this is generally something that doesn’t get better with age, and the longer it goes on the more affects you and shuts down your life. It is something that can be overcome though.
As you’re quite new to this subject, if going to see the doctor feels like too much of a step right now, then I would encourage you to start learning about how your social anxiety works and what steps forward might help you. The page on our self-help group website is a good place to start, http://www.sawest.org/social_anxiety_help.shtml. There is a recommended reading list on there, but really I think seeing your doctor would be the best option. If you feel that they have not taken your difficulties seriously then make an appointment to see a different one as occasionally you get unlucky.
Best wishes and good luck with it all
September 23rd, 2010 at 4:04 am
Wow, just wow. I happen to stumble on this website while searching ways to “speed up my thought”, “think faster while talking to other people”, “say the right thing when in a conversation” I found nothing but this blog. I read the whole article… and I realized, Just now… That I have social anxiety too a certain extent………ludicrous……I’m currently 16, and find that when I talk to people my mind goes blank and I worry what there reaction is going to be. I’m completely open,normal and confident when around people I know, even if the people I know are with others. But when it comes to meeting strangers I feel like I am going to mess up. I usually do not have the words to describe things clearly and effectively. It’s weird, I do not consciously fear social situation’s but when I get into them my mind slows down and it takes me a very long time to process information (ex. My friend laughs at a situation, and I laugh with him(to make it seem that I got it and not look stupid) and then laugh in my mind 20 seconds later when I get what he was laughing at. I am currently taking Drama classes to Improve my communication skills, but I had no clue that it was because of this anxiety, that I am thinking slowly. Hah, My improvisation sucks. Now come to think of it, I was bullied in elementary school all through out middle school. bullying stopped completely through grade 8(great year). and when going to a new high school for grade 9, I found it very very hard to meet new people.I realized that through out my life up until summer of this year I was bullied in some way or form. Wow, thinking here, I wonder why … why can I not respond back and push these negative things away? I am not physically weak, I would be considered strong for my grade. I would not call myself ugly, in fact i’m 6,1″. I cannot physically stop these negative attacks because of fear of getting in trouble and I cannot mentally stop these negative attacks because 1. If I try I fear I will say something stupid and ridiculous. and 2. I fear that another attack is impending that I cannot block off.
Now the question for me here is, how can I stop my mind from slowing down while in a conversation with another? ooooh I have so much questions.
Would this be considered “I had” social anxiety and now all I have is this mind set where I just get mind blocked when I talk?
Thanks for reading, hope you can help, Pete
It would be the greatest of things if I could get you on live chat, Nick.
Oh and excuse my grammar and sentence placement, you might have trouble making sense of it.
Thanks again.
October 11th, 2010 at 10:34 am
Hi All
I see this blog has been running for a while, I just wanted to say that I can relate to pretty much everything described by you all, its good to see that people like Nick are trying to help others because unless you have experience the pain of Social anxiety it is perhaps difficult to relate to. My problems manifest themselves mostly in work situations. When I am in a large group of people having to present ideas on a particular subject I find myself totally out of my comfort zone –tense, stressed and fuzzy. My mind becomes blurred and I generally rush through what I have to say, hoping that no one challenges me. I had one major event some time ago where I froze up in front of colleagues which felt devastating, albeit no one else made an issue.
I generally feel like I am not achieving all I could due to my anxiety. Like many of you I am well educated and hold a management position in a high profile company. I can relate to incidents in my teens which may have contributed to my mental state which affects be in various ways. I had to almost smile at Paul’s post; I trained towards a private pilots licence and as much as I loved flying planes, when I cam to communication it was a real struggle!! I almost had to write everything I needed to say to the control tower for the fear of going blank and saying the wrong thing!.. I still have bouts of social anxiety but recently sought help. It was recommended that Cognitive Behavioural Therapy might help which I undertook with some scepticism. Basically, anxiety starts with a negative thought that sometimes you don’t realise you are having. You must recognise when these thoughts appear, recognise that they are negative and try to override them. I personally realised I was having lots of negative subconscious thoughts, and while I still have work to do, I feel I am progressing slowly. I didn’t believe I could get help from books as my problem seemed too innate; however, all information seems to help to some extent. I will follow Nick’s links to hopefully progress further. I think the profile of this issue needs to be raised as it took years for me to realise what I was dealing with.
Kind Regards
October 28th, 2010 at 1:33 pm
Hi, I’m 24 years old. when I was at high school I didn’t get to use to anybody quickly I take a while and when I’m doing this they lose the interest. but I’m over this now my main problem now is I can’t find any word to start a conversation or to share a word in a gathering my favorite way is to run because I have only one topic I speak about it, latterly one and it’s boring I really get bored form this topic but can’t find anything else so when I’m trying to change the subject I go blank and when people start to talk about something I can’t find a comment to say, I just listen.
November 15th, 2010 at 8:03 pm
Hey you are all young to me I’m 52 I work with lots of europeans , one girl always asks me tell me somthing interesting and I never know what to say . It hurts so much I don’t think I am good enough for anybody . I hate myself !!
December 12th, 2010 at 9:51 am
Ok, so my my mind goes blank sometimes, but my body doesnt. Ill still be doing what I was already doing, like if im cleaning or something like that, it doesnt change, but my mind is like in a different world. When I do i have little to no memory of what I have said or sometimes of what Ive done. When i go blank, i stay like that for hours. and idk why. Its like im living another world im my head, but im not living that world thats inside of it. And, like I just say whatever, like Idk what i’m saying, it just comes out my mouth. And my life is hell because of this. Im sorry if this makes no sense…
Please tell me whats wrong with me.
February 2nd, 2011 at 4:54 pm
I have just come onto this blog – because the last week has been hell. But I have been having this problem for a year or so now. Yes I know I have been under much stress – due to new structure at work and having to reapply for jobs and interviews for own job etc. In my interview – I had done so much research I felt my head was on ‘over load’. I just talked about stuff that was not relevant to the questions – I know my job yet I could hear myself talk rubbish, like my mind was not allowing me to make sense. I was blank at certain questions and details that I do on a daily basis. I felt so stupid. I can only put it down to stress, I hope!! Iam 50 and my dad is 69 and has had dimenture since his mid 50′ s. I just fear that my mind going blank and my thoughs jumbled with my my words coming out jumbled this is not the start of something at lot worse! If any one can help pls let me know.
June 29th, 2011 at 6:15 am
I hate this in my potential relationships. I think it’s the backbone of me still being single at 21 (with no first kiss neither).
I.e., this very beautiful girl has been reaching out to me at the community theatere ever since auditions in April. We’ve been rehearsing the show for several months now, and still she’ll start conversations, compliment me, etc. But I’m always at a loss on how to speak up, I’m not afraid of saying anything, it’s just..literally I’ve got not a single thing to say! Nothing comes to mind anymore! I hate accidentally being unromantic
July 4th, 2011 at 8:17 pm
I have this problem too. When ever I am around my boyfriends friends I go blank. Not so much because I am scared of their reactions but because I can’t relate to them. You know how groups get together to have light hearted fun conversations? And they’ll playfully talk crap to each other? I don’t know how to do that. I only have very few interests and they require a more in depth setting to be discussed. I mean it would just be weird to randomly state one of my conspiracy theories while everyone is talking about football wouldn’t it? So I go blank and then I feel invisible and I sit there and I’m quiet. I’ll chime in sometimes if something does come to mind but that’s rare. And then I feel alienated and I try to stray away to be by myself and when I do that, someone notices and pulls me back into the crowd and basically pulls me back into the same situation because nothing changes when I am pulled back in.
October 1st, 2011 at 11:30 am
Hello, I´m 15 years old and I recently started in a new school in the city. It´s a huge school and I have to get there by a 40-minute busride everymorning. However, thats not my main problem. The problem is that I´m incredibly shy and I´ve hardly spoken to someone since I started. I´ve been so upset with the feelings I experience when I go to school everyday, that I just got depressed and very lonely. I´ve seen myself as som sort of alien basically my whole life, until I found your videos on youtube.
I want to thank you for making me understand my social anxiety and for giving me hope. It´s amazing how you seem to describe my exact thoughs and feelings in every video. I`ve never found something that close to my social anxiety on the internet before. So, THANK YOU!
October 25th, 2011 at 3:30 am
The annual social anxiety meetings would be very very quiet
We’re just good listeners.
I have never had a real life friend that I could do things together with since childhood. I don’t even know how people make friends. My mind draws a blank in most social situations, and the other people feel the need to get away or ignore me due to awkward silence. Even with alcohol I do not become social. Kava kava…?
October 28th, 2011 at 10:55 am
I’m so glad there are other people who are experiencing this. I’m 22 and recently finished university and am currently unemployed. I feel like this ‘blankness’ in my mind goes through phases of being really bad or hardly exists at all when I’m feeling good about myself. At the moment I’m currently feeling depressed and am back on antidepressants; I feel like I have two modes either negative thoughts about how useless I am and won’t be able to make a successful future for myself or just a state of utter mind-blankness, just feeling like nothing is going on up there, like my personality has just been completely zapped out of me. I hate it. The annoying thing is that I know I have been through phases in my life where I am socially confident (at least amongst friends) but I feel I’ve lost all of that now and it won’t come back no matter how hard I wish it. I spend ages trying to construct sentences and think what to say – even just simple texts to my girlfriend or friends, I just can’t think of what to say and phrase things. I’ve never been an extrovert but now I just feel as if I’m completely in to myself, hardly pipe up at all and let others do the talking…not exactly the ideal frame of mind for getting a job either!
November 23rd, 2011 at 3:07 am
Truly appreciate your effort in putting togeather this blog post. Awesome information.
November 26th, 2011 at 5:12 pm
I’m glad I stumbled upon this site. I can relate to a lot of people’s tales, specifically in the mind going blank department. I’m a mincer or perfectionist when it comes to words. Too often I assess and reassess what I’m about to say for fear it won’t come out right or be poignant enough. It’s not so bad individually or among few people, but the larger the crowd, the slower things process in and out of my mind. I wasn’t like this as a pre-teen. I was so uninhibited and spoke whatever I felt, an attention whore in more public settings. I’ve noticed myself becoming quieter over the years. Now, I’m definitely a fly on the wall. Among friends and my equals, I get along fine, but when it comes to situations where I have to speak to my bosses at work, there’s such a timidness. I have to rehearse what I’m going to say and how I’m going to say it, because my mind just freezes.
I work in television, so communication is a great part of my work. When I’m reading scripts or rehearsing segments, I have full control over my thoughts. However, in a live setting, like when I’m anchoring or doing a live report, my thoughts are bare. I’ve been doing this for close to 2 years now with little to no progress. A bunch of things unrelated to what I need to focus or race through my mind. I have a heightened sense of my breathing patterns. I have voices in my head reminding me that I haven’t screwed up yet or that it’s only a matter of time before I do. My peripheral vision picks up a lot of distractions: namely my colleagues who are working with me. Often, I process their facial expressions or body language. I know in most cases they’re not even paying attention to what I’m saying, but for some I reason, I envision something negative or critical that isn’t there, which then I process and have to combat in my head as well. A lot of times I skip over words or insert ones that aren’t there. A lot of the time, I say something and it doesn’t come out the right way. My mind will recognize that and become fixated on it, causing me to lose my focus. A lot of times that doesn’t come out the right way. When I do say something, because of this increased anxiety, my mouth can’t keep up with my brain.
I have a perfectionist complex, because I know I’m capable and have high standards for my work, so I’m aware that certainly has an influence on my comfort level both in a personal and professional setting. Rarely, do I feel that I’m good enough. It’s to the point where I expect failure. It’s the product of my all or nothing mentality when it comes to mistakes or my standards. This “failures” have mentally or emotionally crippled me before. I just there in solitude for minutes, sometimes hours, reliving the “horror.” A numbness just hangs over me, where all I want to do is just disappear. It can lead to feelings of depression that it’s the apocalypse. In many instances, I grab whatever sweets or snacks I have handy and just devour them, sometimes eating for hours on end. It gives me instantaneous gratification, but because I’m in such a low, I keep eating and eating to rescind the pain/humiliation to the point that I’m sick.
Anyway, I’m in the process of seeking professional help. Thank you to whom ever reads this, and I’ll gladly take any advice.
January 19th, 2012 at 4:37 am
This article rang all sorts of bells in my head. I want to say a million thanks to the author for spelling out this disorder with crystal-clear eloquence. To be honest, I never really identified myself as social anxiety sufferer, but after reading this article, I know feel like this article was based precisely on all accounts of my very own affliction. I am a long-time sufferer of social anxiety for that matter. For as long as I can remember, even at very young ages I have been petrified of social situations outside of my circle of friends and family. Now at 28 I am able to manage the anxiety on most occasions, but I still have tendencies of wanting to avoid and isolate myself, especially at work. What totally bums me out the most is when I am all shelled up at my desk at work, passively listening all of the conversations that take place around me, thinking inside my head, “I want to join in, but I feel that what I say will be inferior.” while another part of me drowns in sadness and loneliness. I have gotten to a point where I just don’t care to have conversations with acquaintances around me due to the perceived stress that I would create. What I have come to learn is that the brain is alot like a tape recorder, in that the mind gets some sick pleasure out of replaying negative thoughts back to you. I catch myself doing it all of the time and immediately divert my attention to something positive. That has helped me break some of my patterns. Thank you all for sharing your stories. Knowing there are others who struggle like I do brings a sigh of relief in my heart.
February 7th, 2012 at 1:12 am
i also think i have this. i don`t know why i worry what others will think of me!! I know I just have to be myself. Especially if we have discussions in class and everyone around you is really really smart. I just feel like what I say will be stupid to them!! How can i learn to be myself???