Thank you for your comment. It sounds like you’ve made some good progress which is great to hear. I fully agree with you that it is very important for people experiencing social anxiety to focus on gaining a sense of self-worth to help them stop feeling like they are no good. I hope you will not mind me describing a little about why I advocate Covey’s seven habits for people with social anxiety. I can see how his teachings might be interpreted in a way that could be unhelpful for people with social anxiety, so I think a bit of explanation is due on my part.

Habit one is ‘Be Proactive: Principals of Personal Choice’. It is a habit about learning that we do have great influence over the direction of our life and that through our choices about how we respond to situations we can create the results we want. Many people with social anxiety feel helpless and at the mercy of their circumstances, but understanding and putting into practice habit one can help them find a new sense of control over their lives. It is often the foundation of many therapeutic approaches and is very important for people with mental health challenges.

Habit two is ‘Begin with the End in Mind: Principles of Personal Vision’. Many people with social anxiety are stuck in the habit of being driven by fear and things they want to get away from. They live their lives in reaction to their emotions (tying in with habit one). By having them engage with habit two, they start to focus on their desires and moving towards creating good in their lives. This is very important for various reasons and helps counter threat biased/negative thinking.

Habit three is ‘Put First Things First: Principles of Integrity & Execution’. This is about prioritising our lives and spending time on what truly matters to us. Learning about this habit helped me realise that overcoming my social anxiety was vitally important to my happiness and all areas of my life. In hindsight it is obvious, but I found Coveys teaching really helped me realise that I must start taking action today. If I waited until my situation improved, I’d be waiting forever.

Habit four is ‘Think Win/Win: Principles of Mutual Benefit’. If we are selfless in a way that means we lose while others benefit then we are not applying this habit. Often social anxiety can cause us to become very self-focused, not because people with social anxiety are after selfish gain, but because they are very fixated on potential risks that relate to how others perceive them in the form of self-consciousness. Thinking win/win helps take focus away form the self but without devaluing it. Shifting focus away from our negative perceptions of ourselves is very important for overcoming social anxiety. Both selflessness and assertiveness, if done properly, is win/win in my opinion. Through contributing positively to the lives of others we can dramatically increase our sense of self-worth, and through assertiveness, build trust and respect through honesty. People get to know where they stand which enables them to adapt and grow.

Habit five ‘Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood: Principles of Mutual Understanding’ is a win/win habit. It is a habit of good communication. It tell us to put others first and understand their problems or point of view before we offer our own. Out of all of the habits, it is this one which I think people with social anxiety should adopt carefully, but I do think it is good for them to adopt it. By taking the time to understand others first, it opens people up to being more understanding about our own problems. An issue here with sufferers of social anxiety is that there is a tendency for them to put other people first while believing that they are not worthy of others time. For many people it will be important for them to mainly focus on the first part of the habit ‘Seek first to understand’ as it is that which they will not be practising, but for people with social anxiety, it will be very important to focus on both the first part and the second part, ‘Then to be Understood’. This should be an exchange of communication educating both parties. For people with social anxiety it is just as important that they express their own to others challenges.

Habit six, ‘Synergise: Principles of Creative Cooperation’, is about working with others to achieve something larger than individual efforts added together could amount to. This will be a challenging habit to implement for people with social anxiety who will normally be used to solitary working. It is something for them to aspire to and it may be that they do not achieve it until they have overcome much of their social anxiety. Having said that, in the self-help groups I facilitate, synergy is in process all the time. Synergy is a foundation of social anxiety self-help groups, as well as other self-help groups.

Habit seven is ‘Sharpen the Saw: Principles of Balanced Self-Renewal’. This habit is about learning and improving ourselves through gaining relevant knowledge and skills. I hope it is obvious how this habit relates to people with social anxiety as change will not happen without them first learning new things.

I hope this helps explain why I think Covey’s work can be beneficial to people with social anxiety. He does encourage us to yoke with others to produce the results we want in life and I understand that this may feel like a step too great for many people with social anxiety initially. I would say that it is important that we take things a step at a time and that the seven habits are a journey where some challenging parts are far off in the distance. When we are ready we will complete that part of the journey. We may just not feel ready yet. It is important to not see overcoming social anxiety as the whole journey, but rather just one step in it.

Thank you for initiating this discussion, it has been of great benefit for me to think further about how Covey’s habits fit in with social anxiety. I hope it has been of use to you also. I would love to hear others opinions about this topic so that we can further our learning together.

Best wishes,

Nick