Regards Matt

I have seen several of your videos, which I have found very interesting and useful. I appreciate what you are trying to do as an ex-sufferer, by helping us.

I suffer from social anxiety, and my main problem is blushing. The main problem is that blushing is visible, so people can see that I feel uncomfortable. It has ruined my life and has held me back from fulfilling my potential in many aspects of my life. I have felt depressed and lonely as a result of this, and the situation is even worse now that I have graduated and I have to look for a job. I don’t feel like I can get a job and this really frustrates me.

I have done my research but just wanted to double check and inform myself about certain aspects. I have a few questions which I hope you or anyone else can answer.

1) Where do recommend getting good CBT online guides/books?

2) I live in London, do you know of any good SA Support Groups in London?

3) Do support groups do CBT? Did your support group do CBT when you were younger to help you recover?

4) Have you put up the whole self help program, if not when will this be?

5) A problem I have with the CBT table to challenge the way you think is that when we are asked in the expectation/prediction/Irrational thoughts column I state “blushing” as the problem, but in the next column where it asks me for evidence, I know it’s true that I’m going red because it is actually happening, I’m not imagining it, it’s a fact. So how can I challenge the thought of going red when it is actually true that I’m going red?

6) Other than CBT what else has worked for you? I’ve heard hypnotherapy helps!

Hope to hear from you or anyone else who can help soon and thank you so much for all your help!

Oli

In my years of running social anxiety self-help groups I have not heard of anyone with social anxiety or blushing making significant lasting progress using Hypnosis. Of course though, if someone had overcome their social anxiety they probably wouldn’t seek help from a self-help group. Additionally though, I’ve not seen anyone express in the busy social anxiety internet forums that hypnosis has significantly helped them. I had a short-lived interest in hypnosis several years ago, but I find other approaches offer people more potential for solid progress.

There are a lot of promises made about products on the internet, but few of them are true, especially the ones that suggest a quick and easy solution is the answer. Hypnosis is attractive to many people because it is a passive approach where most the work is done by the therapist, but a more active approach where you take on the task of making specific changes to your thinking and behaviour can but much more productive.

Often people say that hypnotherapy helps them relax while in the therapy or at home but their anxiety returns in the actual situations the are scared of. Also some people seem to experience some short lived benefits, but it seems this is often not long-term.

NLP is different from hypnosis but the two are often associated because NLP partly came about due to Richard Bandler and John Grinder’s (co-founders of NLP) studies of the hypnotherapist Milton H. Erickson. Also Richard Bandler does a lot of work with Hypnotherapy in the present day and followers of NLP often follow his lead.

Learning about NLP has been helpful for myself in conjunction with other appraoches, but many NLP practitioners only go through a few weeks training and often have little knowledge of social anxiety or other mental health problems. I generally recommend that people learn about it themselves from books if they are interested, but be hesitant about spending money on visiting an NLP practitioner.

As always, with both NLP and Hypnotherapy, the skill and experience of the therapist/practitioner is paramount. Some may be very helpful and knowledgeable, while others could be costly roads to nowhere. As far as I know, Hypnotherapy and NLP are not regulated (in the UK at least) and quality will vary greatly. I would strongly encourage people to try Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) first as I meet lots of people who say this is beneficial for them and the therapists are usually part of a professional regulated body such as the BABCP. At the end of the day though, the decision must be yours.

Best wishes,

Nick

I would recommend seeing if there’s a social anxiety support group near you. It can really help to meet others going through the same thing. The blushing and sweating you are experiencing are part of a cycle you’re caught in where anticipatory anxiety about blushing or sweating actually triggers you to blush and sweat. Then because you start blushing and sweating you get more anxious and the symptoms increase. To break this cycles it’s a question of learning to be O.K. with the blushing and sweating and accept it. Then because you won’t be getting anxious about it the symptoms won’t worsen. It’s a matter of accepting a small amount of blushing and sweating to prevent a lot of it. You see the blushing and the sweating isn’t the enemy, but our fear of it is.

Going to a support group can help because you’ll be able to see that the blushing and sweating that others are getting very embarrassed about doesn’t look that bad from an outsiders perspective helping you be more O.K. with your own blushing and sweating. Also, meeting others going through the same will help you realise that what you are experiencing is a very human thing and you are not alone with it. If this is really causing you a lot of distress and affecting your school work then do see a doctor or therapist about it. It’s probably best to find one who specialises in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. Self-help books can also be helpful if you put in the work with the exercises in them.

You may also find it helpful to read some of the stories on this website, http://www.social-anxiety.org.uk/puce/puce-stories.htm

All the best,

Nick

I am currently in my last school year, an important year for me, and am experiencing severe facial blushing and sweating more and more in social situtaions. It began only happening when in particularly embarassing situations, however it has gradually increased and happens regulalry on a daily basis now. It’s very hard to explain to people, and i find myself constantly worrying about when it will next happen and what people might think, and am unable to concentrate on more important things like my eduaction. Class room environments are especially bad triggers for me, and i find myself worrying about blushing and sweating even before the lesson has begun, which of course only makes the problem worse. It’s getting unbearable at the moment and is really impacting my life. What should i do?

Ideally, I’d recommend people get help via a Chartered Clinical or Counselling Psychologist who has trained in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) and who has extensive experience of helping people overcome social anxiety. CBT isn’t perfect, and my approach is not completely in line with it, but since CBT is available in lots of areas now, I believe it should be the option that is tried first, and tried extensively. I believe that most people, if they learn it, apply it and persist with it, can make considerable progress with CBT. My preference for Clinical or Counselling Psychologists does not mean to say that some Psychiatrists, Psychiatric Nurses, Psychotherapists or other related professional don’t offer as good or better therapy.

I would definitely recommend that people persist with a psychological approach as opposed to biological ones such as medications or surgery. For some people medications may be appropriate or even life saving, especially if they are prone to self-harm or self-neglect. But, their use should always be discussed with and monitored by an appropriately qualified doctor and, I believe they should never be presented as a complete solution on their own, and they should always be coupled with a psychological approach such as CBT.

I will be releasing a self-help audio program at some point which will discuss my approach and how it improves on CBT. I can’t give a date yet, but I hope to have something out this year.

Best Wishes,

Nick

Thank you for your article and for sharing your experiences. It’s so good to know there are others going through the same thing. Like Jessica, I was a social butterfly most of my life and was in charge of many speeches and presentations for work. I never had a problem speaking or working a room. Now, every time I’m in a meeting or in a social situation, I am overwhelmed with the fear that I will begin sweating…and i normally do. All over my face and I know people can see it…I usually have to leave the room. It’s debilatating and embarassing and it came out of no where. Have taken Xanax and that doesn’t work.

Nick…are you recommending therapy with a general psychologist?

Thanks so much in advance.

Dave